What I have experienced with grief is that the anger protected me from the profound sadness until I could start to take it on. In the meantime I channelled my anger into helping others as at least that energy was going somewhere good. Eventually I was able to start to be with it more and it has finally gotten manageable. It also took me a very long time to acknowledge my feelings of guilt, what did I miss and could this all have had a different outcome. All of this is complicated and hard and sad and a process that none of us would have chosen... Sending strength and compassion today. Take gentle care.