Tired of living

We make choices.
Making no choice is a choice, in this case, life makes your choice.
We have: "Freedom of Will." We can make choice that will effect our lives! It is difficult to change a a trait, or something about ourselves that we don't like, but we have that ability if we Choose to exercise that option.
Choose not only to live, but add some meaning to you life, find something to look forward to, to hope for, and to like to do! The death of your husband wasn't the end of the world or you life, unless that is what you wish for, or to be sorry for yourself for. IS that what he would have wanted for you? Is that how you honor him?
Make a better choice.

Before I write anything else, please can I make it clear that I know you are right, 100%.

Sadly, (I'll speak for myself) the neglect and (not drastic) abuse I received from VERY young (from parents who didn't choose to do that, they just were the people they were) became part of me. It's no longer a question of how they treat me. I am the one who's not good to myself - in a number of significant ways, details of which I won't go into.

And I've not been the parent I wish I had been, and that is a genuine reason I feel cross with myself.

So, yes you are right, and I so, so wish I could follow your correct advice. Believe me, I'm trying, and hope I'll get there. Not least, because I don't wish my children to witness a bitter, warped parent, like my mother was.

It took me many years to forgive myself for not being a better parent. When I talk to my sons today, they say they always knew how much I did and do love them.

Therapy helped me a great deal to realize a few things. Every pothole my sons hit wasn't because of me. My toolbox on parenting, relationships, and setting boundaries was empty.
When we forgive ourselves and let the guilt go, it is transformative. It is pretty obvious by reading the posts that the scale is heavy on the side of dysfunctional childhoods. Often I think dysfunction is the norm~! We can make positive, loving, and nurturing changes; we get a chance every time the sun rises.💞

It took me many years to forgive myself for not being a better parent. When I talk to my sons today, they say they always knew how much I did and do love them.

Therapy helped me a great deal to realize a few things. Every pothole my sons hit wasn't because of me. My toolbox on parenting, relationships, and setting boundaries was empty.
When we forgive ourselves and let the guilt go, it is transformative. It is pretty obvious by reading the posts that the scale is heavy on the side of dysfunctional childhoods. Often I think dysfunction is the norm~! We can make positive, loving, and nurturing changes; we get a chance every time the sun rises.💞

You are so right. We have so much technology today why don't babies come with an operating manual? You come home from the hospital with this tiny human being and then what. Most of us do the best we can. But some of us did not have much luck, did we. That's why we are here. I wrack my brain but I just cannot understand how parents can harm their babies. Even though my mother was the devil incarnate, I was not able to do that to my sons. I loved them too much. We probably didn't do a perfect job, but when the love is there, all is good.

Yes, @thisismarilynb We do the best we can! A friend of mine once asked if I'd ever heard the term 'good enough mother', and I had not. She said when you give all you have to give...you've been good enough. Love, genuine spontaneous love is true goodness. 💞

Yes, @thisismarilynb We do the best we can! A friend of mine once asked if I'd ever heard the term 'good enough mother', and I had not. She said when you give all you have to give...you've been good enough. Love, genuine spontaneous love is true goodness. 💞

I believe the concept "good enough mother" was proposed by Donald Winicott. I think it means babies don't need perfect mothers. Just mothers who can give that which is enough for a baby's needs.

I'm not sure what he thought about fathers 😅

Isn't it amazing (and amusing) that absolutely everything is about the women. Others conveniently forget that men are involved. IN EVERYTHING.

Absolutely.

At home my mother was perceived as "the difficult, neurotic, mean one" when I was growing up.

But my father, who was very, very complicated and difficult, because he was reserved and "successful" at work, was never seen as causing us emotional harm.

I recently discovered that the move abroad, that probably wrecked my mum's already fragile psyche, was something SHE encouraged, to help my father with his depression after losing a beloved parent.

And I don't understand why he - who worked with mental health - never did more to ensure she was properly medicated. She was bitter and often very hurtful. But she also clearly suffered... a lot.