in reply to @spudmato You are correct that we make choices in our lives, and that we can choose whether or not to change something about ourselves that we may not particularly like. Many are unable to find meaning in their lives, perhaps because they are feeling hopeless, helpless or some other similar feeling. Some things are easier said than done.
I make it a point each day to exercise gratitude, even if I don't feel well, because I know that many today are not feeling great, or are feeling worse than I am. I try to occupy myself with things that bring me joy, such as art, music and now woodworking. I have just up -cycled 2 wooden pallets into tables for my patio. While many in my community continue to shun me because I have lost so much weight, I am sure they do not miss the fact that I have been lifting weights each day, as my arms look quite muscular. I lift the weights because I do not want to lose muscle mass, and my perseverance has paid off. While I was outside working yesterday, I said aloud: "I can do anything, and I will." This is not to say that everyday is a 10 for me, as there are many days when I just want to do nothing, and today feels like one of those days. Probably because my symptoms are worsening, and sometimes I fail to "see the forest through the trees." I am working on this, but cannot ignore the fact that I feel a bit weaker each day, have more pain each day and things of that nature. While I have discussed with my friend and former doctor that I want to take a break from all things medical, she is trying to encourage me to keep up with my appointments, even at great financial and emotional cost. I read an article on NORD that it takes on average 5 years to diagnose certain liver conditions/diseases. I am in year 3 and my medical team is no closer to knowing what is wrong with me than they were when I was first diagnosed.
In any event, I am fortunate to have things to look forward to, however small they may be at times. Everything around me is beautiful: my garden, my artwork, my wood projects, the roof over my head. I just received a walker I ordered so that I can help my 84 year old friend with her walking. She refused to use a walker unless I used one as well. I don't need one, but if this helps her, then I will use the walker with her. Others may look at me and think I am reaching the end, but they can think what they want. I simply want my dear friend to be able to walk around the community like she used to, and if using the walker alongside her works, then all is good.
With respect to feeling sorry for oneself, I think it is okay to have compassion for oneself. I am only just now learning how to do this, as I have always put the needs of others ahead of my own.
Thank you for your post.

Before I write anything else, please can I make it clear that I know you are right, 100%.

Sadly, (I'll speak for myself) the neglect and (not drastic) abuse I received from VERY young (from parents who didn't choose to do that, they just were the people they were) became part of me. It's no longer a question of how they treat me. I am the one who's not good to myself - in a number of significant ways, details of which I won't go into.

And I've not been the parent I wish I had been, and that is a genuine reason I feel cross with myself.

So, yes you are right, and I so, so wish I could follow your correct advice. Believe me, I'm trying, and hope I'll get there. Not least, because I don't wish my children to witness a bitter, warped parent, like my mother was.