I think it’s normal in the course of chronic pain. It’s difficult to be delightful when hurting so badly. Much less the inability to do normal things that others may take for granted.

What I do when I have screeching moments of incredible pain I allow myself to express the pain by feeling it, but as soon as it reduces intensity I don’t permit myself to get swept away…at least not until the next wave of pain. Its a rollercoaster of emotions. I even get angry at my pain. I call it names. It sometimes feels like it is ruining life or at least changing me to someone who can’t move normally and it makes me sad. I am in between acceptance of life changing because I can’t change what’s happened. So I’m forced to deal with the realities of it and what it can do to change mental outlook. At times all I can to is stay off my feet. I hate it. It is so limiting. There are times I force myself to be on feet regardless of the pain because I mean what the heck am I to do, get laid up indefinitely? I refuse to accept that. So I’m doing what I can to change trajectory of life. Realistic or not. I can fight it for mental health. I do fight to be sound when having breaks in between pain fits. It can and does get depressing. It wears on a person. But it helps to talk about it. I hope you get relief. I talk to someone. Therapy helps. To prevent me from slipping into full on depression. I’ve been there, don’t wish to return. I hope you can talk more about it. It helps.

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