Tired of living

I enjoy reading your messages..you are truly a survivor, in fact we are all survivors and doing everything we can to stay in our world and lives longer. My parents were both holocaust survivors and my mom always told me, never give up on hope because where there’s life there’s also hope, don’t lose your sense of humour and try not to take yourself too serious. I feel if these words of advice kept her alive for five years in a prison camp then I’m listening… one more thing, she always said we can take a lot more in our lives than we ever thought possible…if someone told me a few years ago that I would go through a global pandemic and also get lung cancer twice in the past two years I would have said that I could never have survived such a thing but I was wrong and I’m still hanging in there, amen.

It was not only the Jews who were persecuted by Hitler. He went after the Romani also. The Armenians also had their holocaust. It is a mystery to me why humans want to exterminate other humans just because of who they are and/or what they believe. Aren't we supposed to be civilized? I think the answer might be no.

I think the list of those that suffer from discrimination and prejudice is a long one indeed. Are we civilized? I'm a positive thinker but also a realist, and it is sad, no, it is pathetic, that the number of uncivilized in humanity seems to be growing. Look at Ukraine...but what spirit and determination they have.
I wish the world were a kinder and fairer place...but I won't go on.💞

What a survivor you are~! Yes, when you are told you are wrong, bad, an accident of birth....we have to dig deep to realize we have value. When I read your posts, I'm amazed an impressed with your courage and perseverance.
YOU BET..."Here I am. This is the real me." What I found was that when I spoke my authentic thoughts, people responded. You will get the 'hugs' you are worthy of.💞
You have touched many people through your posts.
I'll be heading to Nova Scotia for my granddaughter's high school graduation in June!

We visited St. John on one of our cruises. What a charming place. I really liked it but I am sure I would not like the weather.

That is such good advice. But the voices are so strong. I did not have neglect, but abuse. The voices are not mine but hers. It is still hard for me to walk alone because that voice keeps shaming me that I have no friends and am no good. I was constantly being punished for being bad. Now I punish myself for things I perceive as bad. Somewhere deep inside I do have a sane side telling me this is not so but I have not yet been able to get it up, and so I go on struggling. But I will continue to struggle and not give up. I left that cruel person called mother and learned to fend for myself. Everything I have now I have done by and for myself. So who knows, if I live long enough I may give that sane self a chance to burst out an say "Here I am. This is the real me."

I have found the following two things a challenge: my parents caused me damage (this has been confirmed by therapy and psychiatry), to the point where I moved far from all family in shame. But then 2 things happened: I carried on neglecting myself as they had. Plus, I had a family-sized hole in my life, which my wife helped with, yes. But I ended up keeping inner, mental (neglectful) parents, I guess because the psyche needs some kind of parents to guide and contain, even if neglectfully.

Solution?

1. What I wrote in my previous message.

2. I have had to forgive my parents despite the outrageous damage caused to my life. And learn that other people (though not angels, and certainly not substitute parents) can be nice. Friends are only that: nice, no more than that. But nice is good. It's just not intense like neglect or abuse. Friendship's kind of fleeting. But it's nice!

Like everywhere....the weather is unpredictable. My family in Eastern Passage skis, all except my son. They only got enough snow twice~! Our grass was only covered twice in Indiana. The weather is anyone's guess these days, although we had an unusual number of tornadoes~! I'd like to pass on those! I do enjoy a good thunderstorm, however.💞

I am in Southern California. We are close to Palm Springs but not as hot because I am 2,700 elevation and they are less than 250. Yet this winter we had snow. Several times and this is so unheard of here. Everyone was oohing and aahing except me. This took me back my childhood and the bad memories.

Yes, I love classical music. We have tons of CD's but somehow I cannot play them. I don't know why. Am I too used to the quietness of the house?