"Thank you for your support and kind words.
It seems that with R A, that I am a child again trying to make a sand castle in very dry sand. I can call on my imagination to overcome reality. There is no clear sense of any concrete progress as much as continually on an ever changing battlefield. I had my eyes checked and have new glasses, but my eyesight is digressing. I can see that going online and texting on my phone are a factor, but there seems to be relationships with different things that don't really offer clear ways to combat them. I was out walking on a trail in the woods to refill some bird feeders I have out there and with no warning fell on my head. I didn't have any chance to put out my arm in time. I just drove my head into the mud and grass. I felt my neck starting to bend to the breaking point and then stop. In late fall the ground would have been frozen. I think that I would be in for another concussion. Now with R A, when I slipped on some ice and hit my back, it felt like my back was welded into a solid mass, and then the pain came out in my arms, like my upper arms were nailed onto my shoulders. It seems with R A, my body is not reacting how it has most of my life. Before I would take illnesses on with a clear motive and plan to overcome the damage. With RA, It seems I am wrestling with some invisible opponent, where what I seem to be engaged in has some sort of gap with what is happening with my mind and body. I am accepting that I have to confront depression and anxiety, but what I have done before is now disconnected and there is no sense of progress. I work on building up confidence to do things I did before, but I somehow feel too disconnected in myself to take them on.
( to be continued)