Hello! Thank you. I hope what I write makes sense. I wanted to write you, sensing an urgency. Seeking God is nothing short of a beautiful…life changing and deserves every attention.

I think the answer to what you seek is in what you have written. Let your heart be your guide. Follow the small but present inner voice. We all have that albeit small voice we need to amplify. God is waiting for us and is calling you personally. He is always there for us wether you have a religious home or not. He loves us all. It seems He is trying to get your attention. By talking about it and Him, I’d say you are on your way. Seek God. Jesus has been my best friend from early on. I’ve in life, fallen away but always come back to Him. Stronger each time. Read the story of Jesus at Gethsemane. People who struggle and have pain (any kind of pain) I think can identify with the Lord. This particular - Agony in the Garden. He had his disciples with him yet was alone at the most difficult time. He knows deeply what we endure and the struggles we face wanting us to know Him, follow, praise, adore Him.

I’m not sure you will need to “pick”. In your case I think you are being led by the Holy Spirit. It is picking you! Amen! Wanting to believe to believing may just take a leap of faith.

What you wrote is beautiful. Budding faith in God is glorious. I am going to pray for you tonight. Specifically that you find Jesus to be your best friend who saves and heals us over and again in so many ways…We live a human existence. So did the Lord. He knows our personal struggles and would never leave us. He wants us to be united in our faith with hope. Faith is believing without seeing, but Thomas (doubting Thomas to coin that phrase) doubted the resurrected Lord even while being in front of him and had to put his hands in his wounds to know it was Him.

He loves us all. Will never abandon us. Even when life brings us down He is there to guide us, teach us and live in and through us and lift us. I think the Holy Spirit is pulling you in His direction. Sometimes you just have to go with it, not overthink and answer His call.

Jesus is sad any of His children feel lost or disconnected. Your heart may just be on the cusp of being set ablaze with a fire that burns steady for His Holy Love.

Blessings and peace my friend.