Have you thought about talking to someone, anyone I mean. Somebody new that you meet online in some way? I know it sounds stupid but think about it for a min. For myself when I'm manic I get so bored when the sun goes down and my house is quiet. I used to sit in my room and go down a self potty rabbit hole that led to some very disturbing and sometimes violent mornings. So I found a chat site one night. I honestly don't know how I came up on it because I was researching different ways to kill myself, but it was on my screen asking for personal info and I thought hmmm I can be anybody here. I don't have to be my sad pathetic broken self. I can be amazing! Hmmm this could be fun or at least entertaining long enough for the sun to come up. It has changed my world and there is always someone to chat with. You can add me to your chat options if you would like. I enjoy getting to know people and like having people to know. I do meditate as well but I agree it's not always the answer. Hope your having a better night.