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My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 11 11:16am | Replies (45)Comment receiving replies
My mom began developing symptoms such as getting lost easily, not recognizing people. It's so hard to keep from crying everyday. She's doing badly. She has a care giver, but for her finances she's much better off living in a nearby assisted living facility. She forgets how to use the toilet. She's terrified I'm going to abandon her (never gonna happen). The false memories have started. She's afraid we'll run out of money and be on the streets (we won't).
But I started crying when I began to write it. She's such a tiny, fragile little old lady who is scared, confused and frightened daily. I can't get an image out of my head of her standing in her night clothes sobbing inconsolable like a little 2 year old girl who lost her mommy and all the feelings of fear, powerlessness, sadness and loneliness. I've gone through much in my life, I'm a strong person, but this is beyond me. I'm an only child, my dad (divorced 50+ years ago) and just died. I've wrapped myself so much in her well being I no longer know where I end aand she begins. For medication she takes Seroquel and Aricept. Please, please help me. I can't do this alone.
Garth Voigt
Replies to "My mom began developing symptoms such as getting lost easily, not recognizing people. It's so hard..."
One day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. In highly stressful moments , stop. Take a deep breath. Slowly release it. Repeat at least 3 times. It’s very calming.
Just two days ago, we buried my wonderful brilliant husband of 57+ years who had fought the dementia battle for 16 years. For us it was a very slow process the first several years and early on we had some fun travels and experiences. Later, not so fun. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. He became very resistant to all things pertaining to hygiene. In one of the many books I read, the author said, “No one ever died from not taking a bath.” Whew!I stopped stressing over it. Each day we would bathe as much as he could tolerate. It might be just his feet or his back, or his bottom. The next day it might be other body parts. Whatever the source of his resistance, medicines, changing clothes, going to bed, I learned to walk away and come back and try again in a few minutes. Often the next time, or the next we would accomplish our task, and I made a point of saying, “Thank you for letting me help you”. When he became fixated on something, I found distraction to be a huge help. When he tried to eat a fire starter stick, our son traded him a slice of pizza for it. I also learned to seek out distractions for myself. Have someone else sit while I have a little “me” time to run an errand , get a hair cut or lunch with s friend. All those things are helpful but the most helpful thing has been our shared faith in God and the knowledge that this is not all there is. When he left his earthly body a few days ago to move into his Heavenly home, I told him to “save me a place” and I have every confidence that when it’s my turn, I too will enter into that Heavenly place prepared for me. May He grant you peace that passes understanding.
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@ga908453 I am so sorry that this is happening. We all know that this kind of change will happen one day, but we’re still shocked when it does. Is this a sudden change or has it come on slowly? Has she seen her doctor lately? These changes could be due to many things, including her medications. Her doctor could also refer to a gerontologist, a doctor who specializes in ageing. This gerontologist may also be able to connect you with a geriatric care manager. This is a registered nurse who specializes in resources and care for the elderly. They should be able to help you with many of the decisions that come up daily.
So, you start with your mother’s doctor, get a check-up, and ask for a referral to a gerontologist. They should be able to help find a geriatric care manager.
Will you try these suggestions and keep me posted on what you learn?