Connect
← Return to My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad
Discussion
My anxiety about my husband's memory loss is pretty bad
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 11 11:16am | Replies (45)Comment receiving replies
Hello. I hear all of that loud and clear. Like you, I have plenty of stressors on top of the challenge of a spouse in decline. Like you, I am not a religious person, and like you I get much less sleep than I need. My situation got to the point where I had to leave work, and come home full-time. This in no way means I can afford that choice, so we are together on that as well.
How to deal with it? I try to keep all interactions positive, no matter how I feel at the moment. I don't generally let myself freak out, but it happens. I wonder how I will survive, what to do when things get worse, as they absolutely will. I have tried talking to a therapist, and that does help. More than anything, what has helped me is to just accept my fate. Realize that we missed our life goals, we didn't make enough money, we don't have community to help us, and our family is both too small and too distant to help. Yes, things are tough, and they will get tougher. Knowing that helps, and having no false hopes helps too. There are a thousand good things we can do, and we will do them, but the feeling you have is genuine. This really is happening, and there is no good end for us. Knowing you are not alone is pretty thin soup, but it's what I can offer you now. It's not just you. There are a LOT of us doing this same thing. We get you.
Replies to "Hello. I hear all of that loud and clear. Like you, I have plenty of stressors..."
Thanks for taking the time to write that reply. Acceptance is my goal right now. It comes in spurts, though. When I think I've reached real acceptance, I see there's still a ton more to go. Every time my husband displays another sign, I have to accept it all over again. I'll get better at it.
I love your idea about positive interactions regardless of how we as caregivers feel. That's a great plan and I'm trying it already. It seems to help him. Finally, it really does help to know I'm not alone and that my feelings aren't weird or wrong in some way. Thank you.
I have found that if possible to do a couple kind deeds both enriches the other person and ourselves in so much that we can face difficulties better ..what do you think?
Connect
I hear you. Fortunately years ago my hubby took long term insurance. However how long will this go on, am I going to have to put him in a home. That’s my last resort. He would never want this. He will be 80 in August but he is active. It’s his memory that is terrible. Diagnosed 2 years ago with MCI. I just retired in June from teaching so I’m home and more available for him. I have days or moments when I’m screaming inside how much more can I take. Then I think if those worse off. People who have this at very early ages. I’ve been blessed we traveled and married 30 years. We had a good run. I’ve gone back to church and this helps me alot. I’ve joined this group. I grieved for him. Who he has become is not who I married. I just wish that knot in my stomach would subside. I’d like to live and enjoy life. We do go out but it’s always a worry. I mostly try to think about people who have it worse to get me through this. Gif bless us all. I’m here if you need to vent.