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Caregiver: Dealing with delirium, confusion after long hosptial stay
Caregivers | Last Active: May 6, 2023 | Replies (21)Comment receiving replies
Hi, and thank you so much for all of that information. I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that too. In comparison to my current situation with my father, it seems that the worst has yet to come.
I live in Canada, so I don't know if the rules and court documents and all of that is the same here. I just know that I have power of attorney for his medical decisions, but I don't know if that includes having him in an assisted living or anything of that sort by my decision and not his.
I have worries that it will be getting dangerous now. Just this evening, he told me "well, I think it's time for me to start going to the bar again.". He retired in his early 60s and spent his retirement days drinking at the local bar, coming home to sleep and repeating the same routine everyday. He is bored and lonely staying at home all day long now and is eager to return to that bar to see his friends. I had to, yet again, give him a lecture about how dangerous it is for him to drink alcohol right now and explained that he has been confused lately and I gave the example that he had forgotten where the washroom was. He was surprised and didn't realize he had forgotten that. The bar is walking distance but maybe not for him as he is weak now. I worry he will attempt to walk out and head to that bar and either take a wrong turn and get lost, or not be able to continue the walk and get stuck.
He has a cell phone, but because of his confusion, he doesn't know how to use it anymore and thinks the TV remote is a cell phone. This sounds dangerous to me in terms of getting lost, getting intoxicated and losing balancing, leading to a fall. He's frail. He struggles to stand up from the couch, he's out of breath when climbing the stairs and he can barely hold a plate of food without spilling it.
How do I know when it's time to think of an alternative for him? I would hope that if I ever need to place him somewhere for his own safety that he would be confused enough not to understand what is happening. I know that sounds awful, but that way he won't be so miserable knowing his daughter "sent him away".
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You are a very loving daughter. I had power of attorney for medical. That is not the same as guardianship. I would imagine patient rights in Canada are similar.
It sounds like you are trying to use logic to reason with your father. And also that you expect him to remember what you said. But his brain is not working like a regular brain. Also, you want to keep your relationship pleasant and intact even if you have to make very difficult decisions. In my experience this is not possible with a person with dementia.
You can do a few things now, but they may not work. You can put signs on things with directions, we tried taping paper over buttons on the remote that said No, or Off or On. We made simple memory books with positive statements and read through them with him at visits. Try a google search on Communicating with a person with dementia.
You asked how will you know when he needs more supervision? I think you may already know that answer. It sounds like he needs it now.
I wish we could sit down together and have a good cry. This is hard because you love him and you care. You need professionals to complete evaluations, an attorney to help you with options, and a few good friends to support you. Just start with one thing, the attorney or a social worker and things will start to feel better. One decision at a time.
Another option is to do nothing. One sister said maybe it would have been better if we had just left Dad alone and let him pass away in his apartment doing what he wanted-drinking, hoarding, sleeping on the floor, not bathing, eating spoiled food.
I am so sorry for anyone going through this.
Is there one thing that worries you the most? Our biggest worry was Dad’s driving and his unsafe car. We started there.