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Caregiver: Dealing with delirium, confusion after long hosptial stay
Caregivers | Last Active: May 6, 2023 | Replies (21)Comment receiving replies
First, my heart goes out to you. We went through everything like this with my Dad. You cannot make him do anything unless you have him evaluated and they say he is not capable of managing his own decisions. Then that documentation has to go to court and someone appointed his guardian. Just as we were going through that because he took a taxi to the hospital because he thought he was getting a heart transplant. At that point a social worker talked with him and realized he was passing the orientation screenings but was delusional. He was evaluated. At that time I got a call from Adult Protective Services wanting to know what I was doing to help him. He would not allow any help I. His apartment-someone in the building had called social services because he lost his keys and was knocking on windows to get into the building. He ended up sleeping on a picnic table outside when it was very cold and EMTs were called. He was 90 at the time.
He was forced to go to a nursing home-assisted living is voluntary and he refused anything. He sawed off his wander guard twice and left the nursing home in the middle of the night. He finally had to go to a nursing home that had a locked ward.
I know hearing this is painful-people will tell you you should move him into your house, you should take care of him. We could not have done this. He would not do anything we asked-he hoarded food, urinated everywhere, washed disposable depends, wouldn’t shower and only took medication he wanted to. He wouldn’t eat anything that wasn’t prepackaged so you couldn’t sneak medication into his food. It is a long and painful process and I had 4 siblings living right there. We went to an elder care attorney and he helped us with everything. He was paid by Dad’s Social Security after we got Medicaid approved.
Where to start? With an elder care attorney to see what your options are and what you can do.
The father you had is not there anymore-brain damage has changed him. I hope my bluntness will help you get past the grief now and get done what you need to.
All my empathy.
Replies to "First, my heart goes out to you. We went through everything like this with my Dad...."
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Hi, and thank you so much for all of that information. I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that too. In comparison to my current situation with my father, it seems that the worst has yet to come.
I live in Canada, so I don't know if the rules and court documents and all of that is the same here. I just know that I have power of attorney for his medical decisions, but I don't know if that includes having him in an assisted living or anything of that sort by my decision and not his.
I have worries that it will be getting dangerous now. Just this evening, he told me "well, I think it's time for me to start going to the bar again.". He retired in his early 60s and spent his retirement days drinking at the local bar, coming home to sleep and repeating the same routine everyday. He is bored and lonely staying at home all day long now and is eager to return to that bar to see his friends. I had to, yet again, give him a lecture about how dangerous it is for him to drink alcohol right now and explained that he has been confused lately and I gave the example that he had forgotten where the washroom was. He was surprised and didn't realize he had forgotten that. The bar is walking distance but maybe not for him as he is weak now. I worry he will attempt to walk out and head to that bar and either take a wrong turn and get lost, or not be able to continue the walk and get stuck.
He has a cell phone, but because of his confusion, he doesn't know how to use it anymore and thinks the TV remote is a cell phone. This sounds dangerous to me in terms of getting lost, getting intoxicated and losing balancing, leading to a fall. He's frail. He struggles to stand up from the couch, he's out of breath when climbing the stairs and he can barely hold a plate of food without spilling it.
How do I know when it's time to think of an alternative for him? I would hope that if I ever need to place him somewhere for his own safety that he would be confused enough not to understand what is happening. I know that sounds awful, but that way he won't be so miserable knowing his daughter "sent him away".