I can sure relate to that feeling of being betrayed by your body or DNA. Believing I did everything possible to avoid cancer it never occurred to me to consider a blood cancer! But I hit the jackpot with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. In my case it was aggressive and the odds weren’t in my favor. Here I am, 4 years later, in an enduring remission and living my best second life!
I want to encourage you to not throw in towel and feel this is a “get your affairs in order” moment…though it is always a good point to not leave that until it’s too late. But this isn’t a ‘too late’ moment. ☺️

Should you require treatments, CLL has a number of very promising options which help slow the progression of the disease in early stages and to help put a patient into remission.
As for finding the cause, sometimes there seems to be no rhyme or reason to these blood cancers. In my case it was a random event. All of my oncologist hematologists have said the same thing, that I’d drive myself to distraction trying to determine a cause. It can be something as nebulous as a stray gamma ray that set things in action. ‘Stuff happens”

So, when a cancer like this happens, the best thing is to get the news, face it head on and deal with events as they happen. Worrying about ‘what if’s’ saps strength and robs you of precious time. I’m a firm believer in “if-then”. If something happens then I’ll deal with it. That has helped keep anxiety to a minimum and allowed all my treatments to work for me. They will for you too!

You were in the army, so you have an inner strength that you learned to tap into all the years you served. If those skills are rusty, I’m betting they’ll have muscle memory and rise to the occasion when called upon. You’re going to get through this and if you need a perky, annoying cheerleader, I’m your person!

Now you need a distraction until the 27th…how’s your sock drawer looking? 😉