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Complaining Because I am PO'd
It isn't like I don't have good days where I can walk and talk and appear normal. But, the bad times are always waiting in the background. When I really consider the state of my health from birth to my upcoming demise (76 yo) it has been one long pain. First there was colic. Then there was a major burn. Then a broken collar bone. Then strep throat over and over until I had my tonsils removed. Then teeth issues that lead to removals. All this before the age of 5. Then from teenage through adult years severe pain and blood loss that left me anemic without being reasonably able to bring my hemoglobin to normal until menopause. In the interim between my teen years and menopause I had a breech birth that came close to ending my life, was diagnosed with Hasimoto's thryroiditis, and then caught Lyme Disease. I have sleep apnea and use a machine at night. Throughout the years dr visits caused more harm than good far too many times. One of my shoulders is lower than the other because the dr. who set my broken collar bone did a poor job of it. He bandaged me so tightly that my blood supply was cut off and I almost lost that arm. My low iron levels were not addressed. I wanted a wheelchair as a gift because I was too fatigued to walk. Chiropractic and acupuncture haven't done much good either. I went to a pain clinic because I have severe headaches, my cervical spine is disintegrating, and sometimes need a cane because one knee or the other or both hurt too much to walk or climb stairs. Pain medication was refused unless I would agree to a brain MRI. I have tinnitus. Afraid to get the MRI because I couldn't bear to make it worse. This morning I couldn't bend over and I am sitting with a heat pack on my back. I have a headache and feel dizzy. My closet is full of healthcare items: special pillows, heat packs, cold packs, analgesics, an oxygen generator, braces for my back, knees, wrists, elastic bandages, electric stimulation machines, neck traction devices-you name it, I probably have it. I am tired of this whole thing. I look pretty good for my age. I wish I could feel as healthy as I look. Sometimes you just cannot tell by looking at a person how much pain they are in, can you?
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Oh yeah, I know about the shouting. I was trying to climb a set of steps in a public place and my
knee was so painful I wanted to shout. There were people there so I just faked it like all was good. Funny thing about my situation is that I am very active. I like to garden. So, while I am lifting a shovel I am groaning and wincing, but I just keep lifting the shovel because I don't want to give in. Of course, there are times when willpower is not enough and I get upset because I can't "do" what I think I should be doing or could be doing. I have had about 2 episodes a year when the headache and dizziness is so severe that I am bedridden. I cannot get myself to the bathroom, can't eat, can't drink, can't move and need round the clock care. These episodes last 7-10 days and so far medical help has not been available. Since I am too sick during these times to move I can't demonstrate this and present myself to an urgent care or ER. My husband would bring me, but as I would be unable to walk he couldn't manage. I don't know whether going from dr. to dr. will ever yield help. I seem to get referrals to other dr. s and then those dr's can't help either. Very frustrating. I would really be happy if I could just get pain relief meds even if there is no good diagnosis.
Touche….. I hear you. I see you .
And I’m sorry you are suffering. Pain sucks
This is called a mind map. It can help you identify all the different ways ‘Pain’ affects and interferes with life. This is the Mind Map I made. I was going to show it to my pain management doctor the next time I see them. This way they know. Rather then me just saying, pain can get to level 10. It can be disabling.
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1 ReactionThis was not helpful.
Did you ever try mindfulness? It can't hurt. Also try meditation. Pace yourself in activity. I am also am trying to re alize I have to deal with a disability.
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1 ReactionIf some day you decide to be honest with yourself, you may realize that there is zero evidence that any of the things you're talking about ever existed. Then my comments would be very helpful.
Now this is really an interesting concept. I never thought of showing a picture relating to what I am feeling. I did write a list and a little story which was read at the pain clinic, but I really don't think that anyone without a tangible reference to what it is like can fully comprehend it. Feeling pain is way more effective than reading about it and at the pain dr. office I didn't get what I needed-treatment. I got a list of hoops to jump through in order to get future consideration for meds. I can see myself going through the motions and paying out for each visit and receiving a "sorry" we can't give you your requested med. Call me a pessimist but I think I am being a realist when the prescribers are so very hesitant to offer treatments that put them in a spot where the medical association and the government are pressuring them to keep a tight fist on opiates. At 76 yo, being a person like me who doesn't even take an aspirin if I don't have to, I don't think that should be a factor at all. I am not an addictive personality. Never have been hooked on anything.
I am so sorry and frustrated to learn you did not receive help needed. I might be in the spot of needing strong drugs to battle what I have going on. Right now treatments are hurting other organs function, so I am finding therapy’s will be difficult to come by. I empathize with you. I hope soon they will somehow be made to realize all you have said here. Feel better soon.
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1 ReactionThere is so much suffering that doesn't have to be ...It is mind boggling. The "war on drugs" has likely affected those in pain more than its intended goal of removing illegal drugs from addicts. Addicts can get their fix from friends, or a local dealer in a public park, or in many other public places. Their opportunities are everywhere. But those of us who are in pain and go their dr. requesting relief are easily denied what is needed. Go figure.
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2 ReactionsI Feel your frustration, the one thing I caught from the description you listed was the lack of pain medication. They want to do a MRI on your brain ? before they treat the pain ? get another doctor that will take care of you. You will become dependent on opioids but if it helps your quality of life, who cares. It’s your body your life, So take care of yourself by demanding results regardless of what you need to take. Good luck