I am not an attorney. My understanding is that DNR‘s are legally binding documents if properly executed for your state. Did the aide advocate for your mother’s wishes? I have heard other stories like this where people have sought legal action after the fact. Sad for everybody concerned. Misunderstandings. Inadequate training.

During my mother’s terminal illness in 1988 we had cleared with her physician, medical examiner’s office, and funeral home to not call the fire department when she passed on. Just call the funeral home. We tried to let each different aide know what to do. Some, understandably, were shaken by that idea. Thankfully, aides were not on duty when she passed on. Just our family.

In a similar instance, when my aunt was in a nursing home, but under the care of a hospice service in that home, the instructions by the hospice were very clear not to resuscitate. A nursing home employee thought otherwise and did resuscitate. That added about 36 hours of additional suffering. So, when my uncle’s time came a few years later, he was sure to be within the confines of the hospice home.

Echoing this experience. My elderly mother had COPD and collapsed at home. My sister and father called 911 and the paramedics started immediately upon arrival to revive her. My sister knew where the DNR was--in a hallway closet file box. But in the stress of the moment it took awhile to put hands on it and present, and the paramedics would not/could stop efforts until it was presented. My point is--a highly visible, easily accessible place in the home would have helped greatly. Keep up these discussions to find the method that works for you/your family!