I am a speech/language pathologist that spent years working with patients with dementia, strokes, brain injuries. I taught staff and family how to best communicate with the patients, how to set up the environment for successful interactions, strategies for interaction.
But my father had several small strokes, and then some form of dementia or mental problems that I had never encountered. Hoarding, delusions, strange behaviors, striking out at others started. It is so different when it is your own parent than when you are in a professional role. Just being able to vent and cry and talk about the craziness to a good listener is good for the soul. We also had to get guardianship and put him in a locked ward of a nursing home which was the most horrible thing to have to do. Dad was oriented, could answer all the questions on their nursing form. But he would show up at a family Christmas Eve party with a machete tucked in his belt. He was reusing adult disposable diapers, eating rotten food, showing up at the hospital for a heart transplant (at 90 years old).
I guess I am trying to say we can have the knowledge, the skills, the empathy, but when it is a parent all bets are off.
And also, we think we can handle more than others and set ourselves up to accomplish impossible tasks. There is a lot of guilt about saying “I can’t do this and I have to place this person in another setting.”