Hi, Jan. Thanks for sharing your story. I am 69 and I was 59 when I was diagnosed. I agree, this diagnosis can strike terror in your heart, it hit me really hard. And chemotherapy is really ugly. But it is also your friend, not a friend you would choose, but one you need right now. And I tried to focus on the fact that chemo had a beginning and an END. And being a really stubborn person, I decided I was going to get through it.
My AML was high risk and I was told the statistics too. But a wise person also told me those numbers belonged to other patients, they didn’t belong to me. I would write my own story. My doctor told me he made a treatment plan and for the next six months, I belonged to him. I trusted my team and jumped on board. I am a person of great faith and I had a great family. I went to the hospital chapel every morning to talk to God. That helped. I knew God wasn’t going to let me drown, but some days I paddled pretty hard.
My family lifted me up and carried me on the days when my spirits were low, that really helped too. I had some issues with depression and I got some help for that, also a good idea. I found out this is not uncommon when facing a challenging diagnosis like AML. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if you are feeling this way, as well.
And the most important thing that I did was to live into every day. If yesterday was a bad day, I tossed it in the closet and slammed the door. I couldn’t see too far in front of me, not knowing what might be coming, so I just tried to live in the day I was in. I set up a Caring Bridge site and kept in touch with friends and family who couldn’t visit me. I read their words and prayers every day and this helped me focus on the day I was in. It really is, one day at a time.
Before my diagnosis, I was the “fixer”, now I needed help. I didn’t like this new role very well, but that was only one of many lessons I needed to learn, I guess.
I hope there are a few words here that help you on your journey. It is okay to be afraid, everyone is. But trust in the love and support of those who surround you and share your load. I will keep you in thought and prayer.
Kt