Hi @raremiracle2 It sure does feel like cancer is winning some days, doesn’t it? It’s hard to stay upbeat and positive when you’re feeling defeated…it sure tests our strength.
I’m in full agreement with @debrajean674 we are the ones to make that personal decision whether or not it will defeat us mentally or not. I promise not to do my best (others think it’s my worst) Annie impersonation and sing, The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow, because you’re already having a bad day. 😅
But I will encourage you to do what you can to get through this day. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes at a time. Over my laborious trek through the land of cancer, keeping a sense of humor was what got me through most days, along with a sense of adventure and a spirit of endurance. I refused to let my guard down for more than a few minutes a day and I truly did live minute to minute some days! You can’t let this culprit win!!

One of my chemo nurses pinned this positive affirmation on the whiteboard in my room and it fueled me even harder! It brought out my competitive spirit against the aggressive form of cancer that was fixin’ to ‘take me out’…
It’s a leukemia warriors fight phrase, but works for anything.
The devil whispered in my ear, “You’re not strong enough to weather the storm. I stared the devil down and said, “ I AM the storm!”

Raremiracle…YOU be the storm! You’re going to get through this. (And for heaven’s sake, get some knee pads if you’re going to kneel. ☺️

Where are you in treatment? Are you in any treatments besides phlebotomies? You mentioned in another post about always being dehydrated. Replacing electrolytes/fluids right after that appointment can be crucial. Do you have a saline chaser with that phlebotomy?
Being dehydrated can also be a cause of pain in joints. What is your water intake daily?