Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

@soupycampbell, I agree that a visit with your GP is a good place to start. Having all of the info related to what you are facing can give you great power. I respect that you have the power to make these decisions and have some control over what the remainder of your life will look like. That’s very brave.
People often talk about the strength of people that fight until the end, and ‘never give up’. I believe that knowing when to be at peace takes so much more strength! I wish you the very best.
I have stage IV lung cancer with metastasis to the liver. It is very much under control right now, but my type of cancer is incurable. I’m 52, and my current treatments are a breeze compared to some. So for now, I’ve chosen to live each day! That’s brought me a great feeling of freedom and peace. For now at least!, take care, Lisa

This isn’t bizarre at all. I see your thoughts as normal and practical. My husband was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer and had two stem cell transplants. He hovered near death multiple times, but miraculously made it through. I say miraculously because the Drs called it that. That said, he lives on with multiple complications and I think about him dying every day. Someone told me once that when your spouse has cancer they die every day. I understand that sentiment. That said, like others here we’ve chosen to live every day fully. When my husband got a call from a Dr with the news of how to treat his third cancer, again at the top of the scale serious, we asked if he could hold on for just one moment: we needed to get out of the wind so that we could hear him. We were at the Grand Canyon. Live your life without shame. Plan ahead, put things in order, breathe, and thank God for this new day. You are still here for a reason.

createyourownmerit - I like your positive attitude. I find that it is very difficult to maintain a constant high of living fully day after day after day. I've had lung cancer, as many of you know for 25 years and I have never been able to continuously live life to the fullest. I just plain wear out. And I do still think about my own death and my dying. And I'm still scared.

I am presently trying to recover from SBRT treatment for 2 lesions in my middle lobe from radiation. I developed pneumonitis and am having an awful time with prednisone and getting my O2 above 90 during activity. In a call with my doctor last night I blurted out, "am I dying?"

Until that time I must have been subconsciously thinking this. It really snuck up on me. I'm always surprising myself with what comes out of my mouth but that one really jolted me.

For some strange reason, I don't seem to feel shame because I've lived with this for so long but it can take time to get to this level. Shame goes away after time I think because the longer we or someone else lives the more that we realize that we don't need to. Does this make any sense?

I am overwhelmed by your post and all that you have suffered. But shame? Absolutely not. To make plans about your future life, whatever they are, is not shameful. It is showing good sense and consideration for your loved ones. Good for you and keep on walking - one foot in front of the other.

createyourownmerit - I like your positive attitude. I find that it is very difficult to maintain a constant high of living fully day after day after day. I've had lung cancer, as many of you know for 25 years and I have never been able to continuously live life to the fullest. I just plain wear out. And I do still think about my own death and my dying. And I'm still scared.

I am presently trying to recover from SBRT treatment for 2 lesions in my middle lobe from radiation. I developed pneumonitis and am having an awful time with prednisone and getting my O2 above 90 during activity. In a call with my doctor last night I blurted out, "am I dying?"

Until that time I must have been subconsciously thinking this. It really snuck up on me. I'm always surprising myself with what comes out of my mouth but that one really jolted me.

For some strange reason, I don't seem to feel shame because I've lived with this for so long but it can take time to get to this level. Shame goes away after time I think because the longer we or someone else lives the more that we realize that we don't need to. Does this make any sense?

createyourownmerit - I like your positive attitude. I find that it is very difficult to maintain a constant high of living fully day after day after day. I've had lung cancer, as many of you know for 25 years and I have never been able to continuously live life to the fullest. I just plain wear out. And I do still think about my own death and my dying. And I'm still scared.

I am presently trying to recover from SBRT treatment for 2 lesions in my middle lobe from radiation. I developed pneumonitis and am having an awful time with prednisone and getting my O2 above 90 during activity. In a call with my doctor last night I blurted out, "am I dying?"

Until that time I must have been subconsciously thinking this. It really snuck up on me. I'm always surprising myself with what comes out of my mouth but that one really jolted me.

For some strange reason, I don't seem to feel shame because I've lived with this for so long but it can take time to get to this level. Shame goes away after time I think because the longer we or someone else lives the more that we realize that we don't need to. Does this make any sense?

createyourownmerit - I like your positive attitude. I find that it is very difficult to maintain a constant high of living fully day after day after day. I've had lung cancer, as many of you know for 25 years and I have never been able to continuously live life to the fullest. I just plain wear out. And I do still think about my own death and my dying. And I'm still scared.

I am presently trying to recover from SBRT treatment for 2 lesions in my middle lobe from radiation. I developed pneumonitis and am having an awful time with prednisone and getting my O2 above 90 during activity. In a call with my doctor last night I blurted out, "am I dying?"

Until that time I must have been subconsciously thinking this. It really snuck up on me. I'm always surprising myself with what comes out of my mouth but that one really jolted me.

For some strange reason, I don't seem to feel shame because I've lived with this for so long but it can take time to get to this level. Shame goes away after time I think because the longer we or someone else lives the more that we realize that we don't need to. Does this make any sense?