Follicular Lymphoma and husband wants to continue trying for child

Hello, @caracello22, I’ve spent the day ruminating on your situation before replying. If we were sitting around the kitchen table or out on a patio right now, this is the conversation I’d like to have with you.

You’re wondering if it’s safe or even possible to have another baby after being recently diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma. This is classified as a non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and as your hematologist mentioned, it can be a smoldering type of blood cancer, taking a long time to develop. However, it can also morph into something more aggressive as time goes on requiring treatment that would not be healthy with a baby in utero.

Having a child is a big decision under the best of circumstances. Besides the cancer diagnosis, you’re also 45. And as you’re aware, there can be some potential high risks for baby and mother at that age. There is no way of knowing how your body or the lymphoma will react to the pregnancy. Sometimes stress can heighten the reaction of symptoms in smoldering cancers; Extreme fatigue, being one of them. Speaking to a obstetrician about this would be a very good idea before you decide to go ahead with the decision to become pregnant.
Which leads me to another point…your current hematologist has been less than receptive to your questions and doesn’t seem to be very attentive, possibly even dismissive towards you.
If you were to get pregnant and the lymphoma has a flare up, you’re going to need to have a hematologist/oncologist and an OB/gyn who can work together to get it under control. Will you trust this doctor if that happens?

Right now, according to your bio, you’re a wife, a professional cellist and a mother to an energetic young son and your goal is to stay alive long enough to watch your son grow to adulthood. But your husband wants you to have another child because it’s what you both have always envisioned for your married life together. Sometimes, things change and we have to adapt. I’m pushing 70, so I can now reflect back on life and realize that everything we hope and dream for doesn’t always come to fruition but we adapt and can have an amazing life that takes us in a different direction. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your husband and work through this decision together.

I’m looking at the fact that you, your husband and your son have a beautiful life together. You’re trying to toss in a number of high risk variables which could really upset that apple cart. From my perspective and because you asked for opinions…my opinion is to enjoy the life you have without the potential added stresses or complications that this pregnancy might raise.

Have you spoken to an obstetrician about the potential issues of a pregnancy at this time?

God Bless you as you struggle with this decision. I also have this cancer and had to wait 6 years before getting treatment. It was already in my lymph nodes when discovered. I was 62 when diagnosed and I am going to be 80 this fall. I understand the thoughts and the little fear that lurks in back of your mind. Cat scan once a year and see the oncologist every 6 months for life. Said all this so you know I can understand what you are going through mentally. I just wondered if you and your husband had ever considered adoption or foster parents. There is always a way if you look hard enough. I have used these years since I learned of my cancer to make memories with my family and it has kept us all together and fun times. I also fight against this osteoporosis and holding my own. I will be thinking and praying you make the right decision for you and family.

Children are a blessing and the many ways children become part of a family is also a blessing. Reproductive technology has allowed for many opportunities. Explore your options for alternative routes , perhaps consulting with a geneticist ,surrogacy, adoption etc...
You have several options to consider. It is a deeply life changing personal decision for which there is no one right answer, but the one you and your husband can be at peace with.
Best,

Lori, Volunteer Mentor has some really good insights - think it through! Babies are miracle from heaven but so much more... My autistic son has a lot of problems (raising a special needs child who needs extra care and help) and added health problems are another issue! God bless you in your decision - NEED plan A, B, C and in temporary emergency - who will help or who will raise the child; if something happen to you/ husband. You never know- how much support you will need!! I have NO family in Florida, my son can't drive or pay the bills and 4th grade level. I'm worried about my son when I'm gone, who will take care of him (I'm his entire world) husband is severe bi-polar and in/out of hospital lately and his bi-polar is triggered by my cancer and effecting him. Husband used to own - his own construction company; over crews, 2-kids , a house and new cars (those days are gone as we aged to 50's) It's a lot to think about but I never dreamed I would be diagnosed with cancer and this could take my life- Hoping you find answers and come up with plan of action. Trying to find resources, support and help before I exit this life and my son/husband gets the help they need! MY PRAYERS - and there is always adoption (abandon babies who need families)! It's a lot to think about and glad you can 1 child that is a miracle from GOD! Sending extra hugs to your family and decisions

@quimbie did you wait 6 years as you didnt have symptoms? my CCL/SLL was discovered in my lymph nodes just now; i am 62 yrs as well. This is mentally draining for sure. what type of treatment are you having?

Hello and yes I had lots of symptoms but no idea what it was causing them. Started couple of years before diagnosed in 05. I started having pain in my knees suddenly and if I looked down and then up or bent down to pick something up I was dizzy. Strange little signs and the nose bleeds. My nose would gush and used ice packs to stop the flow. I could be sitting at a desk and my nose starts bleeding. Always carried a pack of tissues as never knew when would start. Not every day but often. Chalked it all up to getting older and job was little stressful. Saw my doc regular and he had not idea either. Then I noticed a small lump on gland under neck and after couple of weeks still there went to doc and he sent me to a surgeon to have it removed. I believe he had an idea then but did not tell me other than it is probably benign but want to be sure. Well results came and it was folicullar lymphoma. Month later got to see oncologist and started the cat scans . Was told very slow growing so would watch. So for 6 years I saw oncologist and had cat scans and it was a job not worrying about it. Finally oncologist said one tumor was large enough it would cause me some trouble so time for chemo. Had chemo for a good 9 months then maintenance for over another year and half of one day of chemo every other month. Last chemo in 2011 and still had nose bleeds until then but thankfully not had one for very long time. I feel good except for the osteopenia I fight against. I see an oncologist twice a year and have a cat scan once a year. It is the way it is. I am 79 and I work 4 days a week so still going. I asked doc if not for the lump I would not have known I had this and he said yes that is true. I would have progressed to problems before they figured it out as at time he said no test for this. Be glad at least you know what it is and they can fight it but you stay strong and believe positively. I pray a lot and keeps me grounded. I pray you have good results in fighting this. Don't let fear win.

That’s a lot to consider. Like Lori, I had to digest what you wrote before responding. Having raised five girls and adopted a son, my first response was that if they were born teenagers, people might never have a second child. So there’s that. But you and the children survive those years and they grow into (mostly) delightful adults who enrich your life and often give you truly precious grandchildren who, unlike their parents as teenagers, love you, seek out your counsel and are happy to spend time with you. It all works out.
I suspect that your physician (hem/onc) is not serving you well. You need someone who is solidly in your corner and gives you information. That’s so important.
I also suspect that you need an ob/gyn who specializes in high risk pregnancies due to age as much as the potential risk of the lymphoma both to you and the fetus. Is there a genetic component? I hate to introduce that worry and hopefully not but I would want that ruled out.
There is a lot going on here. You need to live your life fully and scratch what itches, but one must weigh the cost as well as the reward. I’m sure either way you will decide what is best for you and your family.
Let us know! We will cheer for you whatever you decide.
Patty

Thank you quimbie! The stress of the journey that is trying to conceive would be added to all you have mentioned above. We visited an adoption agency about 5 years ago when it was made clear by an ivf clinic that I would be very unlikely to fall pregnant even with assistance. He was reluctant then, as it was very important to him that he "leave something behind in this world" (his exact words...). I have no idea if he'd be more receptive to the idea now, or if the adoption agency would consider placing a child with us, considering I have this condition. Thank you for your prayers; they are truly appreciated! God bless.

Raremiracle, thank you for this. Right now our go-to person for our son's care is my husband's mother, but she's showing signs of dimentia. I can still trust her to look after our little guy, but I have to call and remind her shortly beforehand or she won't remember what she's supposed to do. My husband and I each have a sister who would take care of our son if anything were to happen to us, God forbid. Sending prayers to you and your family. It sounds like a difficult situation.

caracello22 | @caracello22 | Prayers and wishes, my heart pulling at the string, listening to your story, life and death pages are turned for every birth there is funeral, stages of life and each step their is new leaf. It sounds like your stand on leaf and choices have to be made. We support you and cheering you on. Thank you for your message, all my wishes and hopes that you keep your faith and smile no matter where the road take you or decisions you make! We are here !