Confused and sad

Let him know how you feel about him. Wishing you peace.

I think I'm with @stage4wife here. Just be honest and tell him that.

When I went through treatment, my wife and I had been married for 30 years. If we didn't have that long loving relationship, (she is absolutely amazing in many ways), I don't know how we would have gotten through it together. It's difficult and when you are diagnosed, then deal with the after effects, it's absolutely a punch in the gut. It has to change one, at least temporarily. My wife gave me what I like to call "caring space", she let me alone most of the time but patiently listened to me complain when I had to. I would hate to think of going through this completely alone, hopefully your friend has some family around.

If he had radiation, he's probably also on a drug which essentially destroy's his body's ability to produce testosterone, he likely has no sex drive at all, or very little. The taking of that drug will be temporary, but, depending on his medical team likely somewhere between 6 mos to 2 years. I would think that at his age, once the drugs are out of his system, some, if not all of that drive may return.

If he was diagnosed in Oct, he was likely not completely finished the radiation until sometime in Dec at least. Now at the end of January he's likely just recovering from the side effects of the radiation itself, mine weren't horrible but it effects people differently. Since this is his primary treatment, his dosage of radiation was likely higher than mine was. He could have had some irritable bowel type of issues. In some people, it can also cause almost debilitating fatigue. My radiation oncologist said normally it can take 6-8 weeks for the side effects to subside significantly. My point being, he's still pretty early in the recovery from radiation phase.

I would suggest giving him time as well to heal both mentally and physically. Perhaps, suggest a get together where he wouldn't feel any pressure sexually, Meet for coffee when he would know you have limited time or something like that. Something less "date like" than you are used to. Maybe a breakfast?

It sound to me like he may be "shooting himself in the foot" as we used to say by staying away from you. Obviously have to move on with your life at some point for your own mental health, but, generously texting him a good word once in a while may be good therapy for him as well.

Best of luck to both you and him!

I am 65 and my husband of 30 years is 61. He just learned of diagnosis this week. It is a gut punch. He had surgery summer of 2020 and thought he was done with this. Not so lucky. We have not been intimate and I feel like he is angry with me. Now it is really going to be a difficult road.He is shocked, we do love each other. Finances have been strained. But with God grace we will get through it. I am so sad he has to go through this, but he will and he is a positive man. Thanks for letting me share.

Wow, with the exception of my wife being a tad younger than me, sounds like you are the demographic equal of my wife and I. I also had the surgery then had to go down the radiation route.

I don't believe he's angry with you, it's just anger in general that's part of the acceptance process. I know I went through a period where EVERYTHING pissed me off for about a month to six weeks.

He's likely also feeling very frustrated that he can't be intimate. Maybe somewhat embarrassed even and that angers him. I don't know if you can address it, but, my wife and I had to get a little creative. When I felt like I was of use to her sexually, it made me feel a lot better. Initiating in the other direction might be difficult, perhaps someone else here can offer some advice.
Good Luck going forward!

Forget sex and stop testosterone the fertilizer of PC Else you have 10 fingers and a tongue to use if its so important versus staying this side of the grass

I had the surgery to remove my prostate 15 months ago and am still dealing with painful side effects as well as ED. Just confirming that for us guys it is tough to deal with the loss of what many of us consider an extremely important part of our lives. I’m still struggling with acceptance on this but thanks to my wife who truly loves me, as you say you love your man,
I’m carrying on. She is always supportive on this intimacy issue with me and we still can snuggle and show our love in so many other ways. I hope and pray you can both adjust and for some the physical function does return over time to varying degrees.

I remember those days. Day after day; pain, misery, agony beyond belief. That cycle kept repeating itself all day and all night. I wanted it, life, over with. I was like that for about a year. Then year two happened. I learned how to manage the pain by rebuilding my life. Once I reached that point I started to reach out for friends, buddies and family. You friend will reach that rebuilding moment someday and he will need your friendship, kindness and love. Mindful we all love in different ways.

Be kind and gentle with him. He needs to be loved, as we all do. Be consistent and supportive in your communication. Show him you love by doing the little things that really count. Get him things that you know are of interest. Make him a meal and drop it off. He’ll come to feel comfortable with you and eventually will reach out.

I'm sad for you *and* your friend, kayefo. Cancer Sucks, pure and simple.

I agree with the others to not abandon him, but maybe not be "in his face" too much, either. You are sensitive, so I think you will know when you need to give him some space.

I think rshap put it well - "Be consistent and supportive in your communication." But I'll add - listen, listen, listen whenever he does respond. You probably will, from the way you sound, but I always have to remind myself to do that.

My hopes are with you, kayefo. Be patient 🙏.

David D

I had prostate cancer at64 The worst of the experience was Lupron, do a search on the internet Lupron ruined my life . After treatment I was weak all the time and had a hard time walking, no sexual feelings and mental confusion. After researching these symptoms I had a testorone test by another doctor and found that it was 53.
I began Testorone replacement therapy which was an IM shot every two weeks that I gave myself.
My PSA briefly came up to .2 but returned to .1 after three months.
I began the carnivore diet and lost 46 pounds and exercise every day.
The one thing I discovered is my doctor was wrong about everything and working with data 20 years old.
I think your friend can make a full recovery but it is hard work and he needs to see a competent Dr.

My ED is gone and I sometimes wake up excited. I will stop taking testorone next month and see what the blood work looks like.