Anyone feel devasted about how you look & feel? And guilty too?

This is a wonderfully honest question. I have no guidance on hair loss, but I would urge you to avoid wasting psychological energy fighting your feelings because some other women have it worse. My father used to say, "Comparisons are odious." He's right....but he's long gone so I can't ask him how we avoid comparing ourselves to others. So lean into your disappointment. Acknowledge it. Talk about it only with people who won't respond with, "Well, at least you don't....blahblahblah." Breast cancer is unique in the way it can disfigure us. We're raised to focus so much on our figures...and then have them DISfigured. Ugh. Give yourself permission to absorb this blow without weighing whether others have it worse. Virtual hugs.

I am not a medical professional but I hear that they are giving Minoxidil as an oral treatment to women with hair loss. I have no idea about drug interactions but maybe that would work for you. I hope this helps. Also, I think it is fine to mourn the loss of your previous self. Don't feel guilty about your feelings. Big virtual hug

@colely, I hope you don't mind, but I revised the title of this discussion because you ask a brutally honest question that I think many many many women living with breast cancer grapple with.

I agree wholeheartedly with @ecwilmot that you're allowed to mourn your previous self. And love what @kseanob said "Give yourself permission to absorb this blow without weighing whether others have it worse." Such wise words from your bossom sisters.

How does one move from "mourning the loss" and "leaning in to the disappointment" to acceptance?

Yes, there are many times when I have felt very damaged. But only for a minute, knowing I have to push through. To add to it, I had to put off needed dental work during Covid and no vaccine and then cancer treatment. I had to have three teeth extracted and have a gap in my smile that requires a plastic device to cover it. No boobs, no hair and missing teeth. The good news is that I have a prosthesis and a wig that makes me look like my old self. The wig choices are very good and the shops are very experienced in helping cancer patients. I took mine to my hairdresser and she shaped it for me. Using Nioxin, but it will be maybe years before it is normal. My teeth will eventually be taken care of, but not for many months. Just when it all seems too much, I remind myself that I have a great life and I can do this! Hoping you can find a way to feel better and move forward. Hugs.

I can relate to all you are saying since I have felt exactly the same. Especially the teeth.

I have spent the last 4 years getting implants for teeth that the dentist has not been able to save. I decided that the expense was worth it to make me feel that something can be back like before cancer. I try to do what I can to improve my looks only because it it makes me feel more in control of my life going forward. I want the best possible “me” going on with my life even though I have to rely on prosthetics and careful dressing to be comfortable.

@drummergirl Hi nice to meet you, I too have no boobs as of 05/2022 and lost all my teeth 10/2022 due to all the years of meds I took on my first walk with BC. It was more expensive to have dental repair work than to have extractions. I wore a wig the first time and decided I would not do that again just my decision. My first oncologist wants to start me as a new patient and put me in the survivorship program. My second oncologist retired. Hi, @colely Did you watch the youtube video I posted? Flat & Proud. To answer your question I never feel devasted about how I looked then and/or now. The only time I felt guilt was when I was on the chemo floor waiting for more poison and I said something to a woman that I thought was there to support someone else she said "This is my 2nd time with BC" I'm grinning at you all ear to ear with no teeth. Having Coho Salmon with brandy, butter brown sugar, and baked sweet potato for dinner. Stay Strong Sister there is light at the end of this tunnel. I just sent a prayer for you. oxoxoxo

Thank you. You are indeed a warrior, sister. Your dinner sounds perfect. Sending hugs

No comment. Except, thank you for adding to my guilt, because I haven't had chemotherapy.

@colely Please accept my apology. That's it I'm in the time-out chair indefinitely. Not planning to ever post again. It was never my intent to make anyone feel worse than they already do. Good Bye to all I'm so very sorry. Please be well and blessed.