Help finding a positive attitude

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is a weird comfort to me knowing that you and possibly others have felt or feel the same fears and have the same emotions. Thank you for having the courage to post real feelings on Facebook, it is so easy to try and cover those feelings and pretend that we are coping well.
I know that this journey brings many different emotions and hopefully this is a phase that will pass as time moves on. I take encouragement from people who have walked this path and made it through the other side. Thank you

@mir123 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am an active blood cancer patient, undergoing chemo. It will be a long road, a marathon as my medical team says, as I deal with other co-morbidities like endstage kidney disease and dialysis. Your words are thoughts that have wandered through my mind before, and I want to thank you for bringing them forefront again.

What form of creativity do you like the best? May I ask what cancer you are living with?
Ginger

Thanks for checking in! I have a rare NET in my breast, along with kidney disease, diabetes, a missing lung, and many other co-mordibities. I was very ill when I was 21 (now 69) and lost my lung and mobility to swine flu. The kidney disease comes from decades of pain killers. So I've been partially disabled and in chronic pain my entire adult life. And yes have a daughter, a grand-daughter, have been widowed, remarried, worked full time, and more...which is just to say I've done much much better than I expected to as a young woman.
I'm a writer by trade, and have been fortunate to publish numerous books and work professionally. But in terms of creativity, or stretch, my fave is a blank notebook (and caffeine) and just free writing or doodling in words and then also drawing and watercolor. Since my diagnosis about 6 months ago I wrote 101 haiku about a lot of things, including my health. These tiny poems are meditative. I love some kind of daily practice that helps give shape. I think an oral history or storytelling with friends or family is also wonderful. I'm in an interfaith group and when one member turned 80 she told us the "story of her life." Took two long lunches! Anyway, I won't go on...but what appeals to you? I think anything you start can be rewarding.

@mir123
Blank paper black pen
Tempting me to write it out
Any words will do

I have been a writer by passion since a young girl, and have had poetry and essays published. The seeming endless ways to combine 26 letters and grammar has always fascinated me. Beyond that, creating in fabric and paper draws me in and turns my energy inwards. I gift out my quilts to those in the foster system and NICU.
Ginger

In order to believe them you have to believe in you and have faith. Do you really know what faith is....
"Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking an sings wile it is still dark."
The bird much like you sits in the dark with only it's feelings and instincts. I'm sure the bird feels the day will never come, yet the birds instincts tell him different. Let not your feeling of dispare an defeat lead you but let your instincts, have faith that you no with out a doubt that the dawn is about to break for you. I'm not sure if you believe in God and I'm not here to tell you how to or you have to, although you do not have to in order to believe this verse from 2Corinth. 4:8-9
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
As for your looks well there going to fade no matter what but I know this does not help so just remember that, 'Every great creation first went threw mass destruction.'
You are simply on your way to being a Great Creation. My friend she always wanted curly hair hers has always been straight plain Jane. But not after her chemo. Her hair came back so beautiful and so curly. She had prayed our whole lives for this curly hair an well God gave it to her but not with out a little destruction. I hope this shines a light an helps you to see all the things that are so hard to see in the dark.
Lots of love,
Ash