I have a 30 yr old daughter with BPD. Best books: Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder by Valerie Porr, and When Hope Is Not Enough, by Bon Dobbs. Steer clear of Stop Walking On Eggshells, by Randi Kreeger. Tough love DOES NOT work. The NEABPD website is excellent (neabpd.com). Get on their waiting list for a Family Connections class -- a life saver. Register for their free call-in series on Sunday nights. Check with NAMI & local hospitals to see if there are support groups specifically for BPD. DBT is the gold standard for treatment. Therapy as usual is often harmful. Don't take her treatment of you personally; it's not about you. Don't kick her out. Things improve dramatically once you learn the proper way to communicate. (I never would have believed it.) She is in unspeakable pain. I know you both must feel you're living in hell. It can get better. It really can.