Hello, @lag630 You raise such important feelings in your post! I was my wife's caregiver for over fourteen years and experienced so much of what you are struggling with now. I know everyone's journey as a caregiver is unique but I'd like to offer my thoughts to try and help a bit if I can.

First, it is not 'complaining' or 'failing' when you reach out to find someone to talk to about the demands of caregiving, even though many folks will see it that way. I had to grow extra-thick skin on this issue. I had a close family member who maintained each time I honestly answered him when he asked 'how are you doing?' I was 'just looking for sympathy'. Grr! That said, I did find two friends of old who understood my need to vent periodically about the demands.

I also understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. Days are not built for caregivers to get everything done in that they need to do. So many things had to fall by the wayside in my life as caregiving took precedence. No one can do all that we find on our plates as caregivers. Perfection was just not an option as I came to love living with a constant pile of laundry to do, never looked at an iron, felt comfortable with dirty dishes in our sink, and dust bunnies became our new pets! As I like to say 'Wonder Woman and Superman are found only in the comics and no caregiver can be a superhero.' We can only try our best and look for what help we can find and afford.

My wife had compulsions too. She was constantly thinking we needed and buying tin foil, paper towels, and coffee. For me, I had to choose my battles on things like this or we'd have been fighting all the time. I am still using up leftover tin foil to this day! Hard, hard, hard to control!

I can only add one of my favorite sayings as a caregiver "Courage does not always roar. Often times it is the quiet voice at the end of the day that can only manage to whisper "I will try again tomorrow."

If I may ask, are the mental challenges new?

I hope the sun is shining on you today!
Strength, Courage, & Peace