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Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 13 5:01pm | Replies (212)Comment receiving replies
Here I am.
I can get wordy too although i noticed I recently am not as fluent as I used to be and there are typos and letters I get wrong. This is annoying 😊
I too take pleasure in small things, simple things. A flower standing in the sun or being a different colour than its siblings for instance. I don't expect anything and take it one day at the time. Being an entrepreneur though also means thinking ahead and trying to find solutions.
I used to spend hours on the phone with friends of friends who needed to talk, trying to find out why they did what they did and finding solutions to their problems.
You write you responded to me before; this thread has been a (good) deluge of responses and at some point I could no longer properly respond to everyone. Then a lot happened and I had to tackle each thing at a time. I am sorry if I missed something, did i? Let me know 😊
The hollowing out is a concern, yes. The being so tired with 'it all' and being too lonely, and even alone, to tend to all matters on my own. An arm around me would be nice, a cup of tea. I don't remember ever having been asked if I needed a cup since I left home as a teen.
Maybe loneliness is indeed more 'realistic' than being on a happy cloud filled with people, thinking they love you. I think in reality we're all alone and maybe loneliness is the realisation and expression of that, and missing social contacts to fill up the gnawing and growing hole in the heart. Maybe all those 'things' and 'products' and 'activities' are just veiling what's really going on; that we are all, always, alone, and that most make this work to not feel lonely.
I notice that when I work I don't feel it. I thrive working with others for instance, doing something. And I can really enjoy being alone! I love solitude. But the connection with others is missing. Someone to ask how I am doing, if I am happy, if I like my work. My family has never done this. As a teen, after being very sick, no one asked questions. My siblings were told to be home by midnight for instance, I wasn't told anything. I remember coming home very late and no one asked me why, no one bothered the next day, no one asked anything and they never did. I had to figure out life all by myself, which is okay. But it left me with very meager social skills and a lot of insecurities about 'being weird'.
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What a great reply EllAmster. We exchanged some threads (is that what responses to a subject is called?) in the early summer. It's well into autumn now. I don't remember what I write to the several correspondents I regularly write. Just don't remember as well as I used to.
What you describe growing up about being on your own with such an absence of questions that invite, encourage and sustain relationships. I've also found how much I appreciate the interchange of ideas, the stimulation of values, of aspirations and efforts, the search for balance. Only recently have I wished for a change in nomenclature from "genitalia" to "relationalia". Corny? Perhaps. But reproduction is one (albeit important) aspect of our relationalia, relatively speaking. For sure, for millennia and longer generation was about all life provided for most people, coupled with hunting and gathering, sheltering, safety demands. Today's realities are the same but we live longer, consume more, waste more, relate for more than basic communal goals.
When I was performing on the piano, I preferred ensembles--vocal and instrumental. It was a thrill to perform the Brahms 2nd PC with my teacher on the 2nd piano, the orchestral score reduced for piano. But my paying job was in human services dealing with all kinds of people. I loved both.
I agree that loneliness, at least aloneness, is a mature reflection on our existence. But little words and thoughts are like bridges connecting our islands. Thank you for writing. I hope to keep in touch.