Depression and Anxiety!

@diskou01, have battled depression and anxiety most of my life also and although I can't speak for you but only for myself, over these many years of meds and therapy I have come to realize that my "mild" OCD is one way to cope with anxiety. Until I hit my 70s I could stay focused on whatever was at hand but now that I'm 77 with additional diagnoses of renal failure, diabetes, heart failure, COPD, fibromyalgia, and gastroparesis and am highly anxious about what inevitably lies ahead for me, I find I am easily distracted - not quite the same as ADD but mildly similar. I had to stop taking certain anti-depressants when the years took their toll and the meds produced neuromuscular side effects and now have to take nefazadone plus an anti-Parkinson's drug (they affect different areas of the brain so do not conflict with each other.)

I remain deeply depressed but it has become more like deep grief as I age and slowly am losing my life. I have found that counseling helps me somewhat in trying to develop cognitive behavioral changes to mitigate the sadness and worry and old-lady cracked voice or not, my daily meditation is to sing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah without any words. Maybe it's the deep breathing, maybe it's the melody, maybe it's the temporary distraction from the ugliness of live, but whatever the reason, it helps me re-balance a bit.

I'm not saying you should suddenly start singing, just stating that meds, counseling, cognitive behavior modification have helped me. If you're not seeing a therapist I hope you find one and hope you can find a doctor, primary or specialist, who can help with meds.

Please let me know how you do.

It's a hard road we walk. I wish you the best.

@dskou01 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It's never easy to hear a diagnosis that we may not have been expecting, is it? I think you are expressing yourself just fine in your post, by the way.

Like you, I was diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult, and now when I look back, so many things are clearer. How I responded in certain situations, my interactions with people, how I see the world in general. And it has made me sad that there were things I may have missed out on because I wasn't aware of what was going on within me. I also have the OCD aspect of my life, and at time find it difficult to remain focused.

What leads you to believe there may be something else going on? I believe @kamama94 gave you a very good example of what is going on in her life right now. We have to look and figure out what will make us take pleasure in a day, or even an hour if that is what will fit for us. What will you do to bring a smile to your face today?
Ginger

@gingerw, I'd like to mention to everyone that volunteer mentors like you make a big difference in the lives of people looking for answers, information, and support. I was in the middle of a serious situation but when I saw some posts asking some questions about one of my posts, I dropped everything and replied as soon as I could. Why? Because you and rosemarya and others have helped me so much and besides singing a song every day I check these groups every day, not just to get information but to share the encouragement you and others like you have given me. This too brings some joy into what has become a difficult life for me and helps me deal with depression and anxiety and OCD and renal failure and gastroparesis and all the rest. So thank you for "being there." Well done!

Hi. I am greatful to hear from you/that you came here and expressed all of these feelings, emotions and pain. Is like a mirror to the way that I feel and things that I experiencd
The earliest my depression and anxiety was documented was back in 2015. But, I remember been depressed as a child under the chair, table, laying there still not understanding why I was so sad and hiding. Sometimes, I would wander the nearby creek in the woods feeling this way, wanting to die, trying to hide away. Found several spots that gave me peace and shared it with someone I loved and betrayed me later on.
When my sons were born, I was depressed terribly depressed. I was alone, away from home. It was so lonely. I didn't have a soul to talk to.
All of this circumsrances agravated the depression that I have. The extra problems, the stress, all the conditions that I have. People that I love and are resentful. They see me as a weight on their shoulders and not their mom. They told me and showed me.
When you feel this sick, in pain, unloved, depressed,medicated.
There are certain people who have this power over me when I see them, the thoughts of hurting myself to make them happy, and free of me. When I see him, I remember the lies, the knee on my back, the duck tape, his comments, it makes me, want to die. The memories and the thoughs flood invade my thought.
What I am trying to say is I know how you feel. I don't fully comprehend but I cry for days. The unhappiness comes in waves. Is not going to go away.
Like you, i also have truouble expressing my thoughts when this happen to me. I stutter, repeat the same sentences, thoughts don't come out and feel scattered in pieces in my brain as I try to put them together. My hand and my head shakes and most people go away, dismiss you I feel uninteligent, undesireable, ashamed.
I just wanted to tell you, you are not the only one. I took my medication and is losing its power. He said that I was broken and damaged. I have no answers. Hang in there, take care.

@kamama94 All of us here on Mayo Clinic Connect come here as a person, with our own set of circumstances and concerns. It is humbling to have been asked to be a volunteer mentor, and that in itself made me feel grateful and good about myself! My mission is to make a difference for someone, even if that someone is me!

Depression and anxiety is not for the weak-hearted, definitely. And it takes a lot of strength to come to terms with it, acknowledge it, seek fellow sufferers for shared experiences and possible remedies. We are each so different, and knowing we are not alone can be that tiny little light in the darkness when we need it most.

Sharing is caring, knowledge is power. And, hugs are free!
Ginger