Connect
← Return to Staying strong and facing an uncertain /certain future
Discussion
Staying strong and facing an uncertain /certain future
Caregivers | Last Active: Jun 22, 2023 | Replies (60)Comment receiving replies
@jprust I remember this exact syndrome of everything making me cry. Some of this for me was the initial shock and grieving of our life as I knew it. It was the scariest time in my life. This initial time did pass, I still have sudden bout of crying occasionally when I think I can’t take another loss and I am facing it anyway. It breaks my husbands heart to see me crying and unable to stop, so I go outside, barn, garden, shop or just out. I have given myself permission to just sob it out, and then put it away for a while and get back to the business of making the most of our time together.
This has morphed into a ritual of pushing it all aside and giving myself an hour once a day to worry and grieve, during the rest of the day if it starts to creep in, I just say “nope this is not the time, right now is time for enjoying, cooking, dinner, laughing, whatever the moment is”.
I also sometimes have to ask myself what am I grateful for in this moment.
These things help me to stay in the present. I read a line to the effect of “try not to be so focused on what will happen in the future, that we miss the joy today”. I don’t remember it exactly, but it stayed with me.
Is there a social worker connected to your husbands clinic that might be able to connect you with some resources for you, while you care for him?
Have you started to develop any coping techniques yet?
Replies to "@jprust I remember this exact syndrome of everything making me cry. Some of this for me..."
That is AMAZING Chris ! Beautifully said ! Be grateful for every moment and live for the day ! Xx to you
Connect
Thank you for your common sense approach to this thing. I learned this strategy of staying in the moment and also allowing myself some time to go and cry as a teenager when my mother died. I also used it in my 20’s when my husband went off the rails with bipolar. It just popped up this time with more force than I expected.
I would ask myself, “What would I be doing right now if I was happy, or feeling peaceful or loving?” Then I would do that-go swimming, or for a walk, or talking to a friend, or dancing.
You are so correct, there are so many positive things to focus on to be together now. Nothing is happening now anyhow-just waiting for a call after the referral. Could be months or years before anything happens.