Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

My husband died of lung cancer very suddenly. He never talked about it. He was given a suggested two months but lasted a fortnight and was driving a week before he died. But we had done everything we needed to with the lawyer about five years beforehand and I had a fair idea what he wanted for a funeral. Three years later I haven’t got over it but he was lucky. He died in the hospice and they were wonderful to us all. He has very little pain. He wanted a secular funeral and it took us all three days to write the obituary choose the music and the coffin. I only cried when the undertaker gave me his wedding ring.
I too have put everything my family will need in a box. Name of lawyer, will, power of attorney documents, dates in my life and an account of my early life. I watched them do their father’s obituary and I thought it was good for them. But they were all so upset that they accepted his son on law’s offer to read it which he did beautifully. Please involve your family and don’t try to protect them.

Dying will eventually get all of us. I have lung cancer plus copd . I think about what its going to be like but don't dwell on it. I know the Lord will be there walking with me. I do have all my papers in order and what I want done. Got my stone, etc, will, DNR , and anything else. I went thru first losing my mom but at least dad was there, but when he died it was all left up to my sister and I. I was not going to have my girls make all those decisions and wonder if it would be what I would of wanted. Hugs and its all in Gods hands, one step at a time and enjoy your family.

Huge congratulations to you on stepping up and acknowledging that there are unpleasant things that have to be done and you have the courage to do them.
Yes, dying will eventually get all of us. I am 88 and except for having to have a hip replacement I am relatively healthy. So far I am managing and intend to do so as long as I can. Hope you rest easy for the rest of your life.

I don't think it is bizarre at all. I find some comfort in planning for those things. It will take pressure off your loved ones to know exactly how you want things to go (or not go). I don't dwell on death. I did have a pity party for about 2 days (with myself), but I try to keep a positive attitude. I don't know that my diagnosis will result in premature death, but, hey, I could get in a car accident tomorrow! Anything can happen to us. I am on the fence, as to whether know ahead of time is better or not. But, even before being diagnosed, I was thinking about death plans, etc. My spouse hates it. LOL I don't want a lot of fuss or money spent. However, I decided that this year for Christmas, each of my Grandchildren will get one of my collectables, with a short letter telling about when I got it, from whom, and why I like it. Then, they can enjoy some decor now, that I have enjoyed having for years. And when my life is over, they have a little item that was mine, selected by me, for them. 🙂 I believe what you are experiencing and doing, is actually quite normal.

Hugs and prayers for you. Keeping a positive attitude, and relying on the Lord, makes everything the best! I love God with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. I wish I was a much better Christian, but I just try a little harder each day. Making people around me smile, laugh, and loving on them, makes me happy. No of us is promised tomorrow. I am working on paperwork, funeral plans, etc. Whether I need them tomorrow or 20 years from now. Each day is a precious gift.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer and completely ignored it, and one year later she died. She did not put any of her business in order and put me through hell with my step family. It is very considerate and caring of you to be thinking about these things and preparing. I am in my 40s and I am thinking and preparing even though statistically I have good chance of surviving my illness due to my age.

At my age (88) I do think about dying. Actually today is one year after my hip replacement surgery. But that is not an illness and I am recovering. Aside from that I am not aware of any other illness. Nevertheless my husband and I made our plans years ago and we also purchased the services of The Neptune Society for cremation. So except for following our instructions there is nothing for our children to do. My feeling is that if you do not do these things while you can and are in your right mind, you must be extremely selfish.

I'm late to the discussion here, but I am so concerned about your fear after burial.

You will be brain dead. There will be no synapses firing. Everything will be completely halted and it is impossible for you to be sentient in the coffin. You will experience no sensations.

Please speak to your medical caregivers about this for reassurance. Maybe see a neurologist for a very professional opinion.

Perhaps, if you are still uneasy, you could preplan to require that you be given an EEG in order to confirm brain death. If it would be allowed. A person who has your health care proxy may be able to insist on it.

Please take steps to ease your fear. I wouldn't be able to cope with that fear myself and would do everything I could to dispel it.

Sometimes I was too scared and thought about death, but I've never planned it. I just thought I could have chance to choose how to die without too much pain and where I can achieve it. So, I support euthanasia. Hopefully, I could pass away like that.

Thank you so much for your deep concern. I am so sorry that my answer is so late. I don't often think of dying or even my own cancer. But when I do next, think about this I love your suggestion of an EEG after death. Very clever thinking!

Hopefully, by the time I need to get really serious about it, it won't bother me anymore.

Merry