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Problems with adult children being extremely critical
I am at the absolute bottom trying to hang in there, have people to talk to. This has been going on all year. Starting with my oldest being viciously critical of me. I finally backed off of arguing with her and we are communicating online. She just recently sent me a sarcastic email, but I didn't get into a conflict with her and replied calmly to her.
About October, my middle child stopped talking to me. If he did, he sounded very angry. I don't know what's been going on with him, but I suspect it is related to telling her I talked to her father more than a year ago. (She broke relationships with her family, maybe 2 years ago.)
I felt much better when all of my 3 children talked to me on the phone at Christmas. In the last month, my youngest son, who is gay, told me that he was having mental health problems because of not getting what he needed as a gay person when he was young. Before, he always seemed happy and affectionate. I did not know he was gay until he came out after college. He has given my husband and I a book about emotional neglect.
I am extremely low, obsessing about negative things (of my whole past), and generally moving through molasses I have a supportive husband, some good friends, and a good therapist.
Thank you for listening.
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Just keep in touch enough for her to know where to find you. There was an estrangement between my mom and her brother. In my early teens, we took our bikes over to visit them. It ended the estrangement. It has to be important to her, not something that one can make them do. Sadly.
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1 ReactionI am going to look this book up. It sounds like the story of my life with ex-husband, and my kids seem to have picked it up, too. I think we grieve for the relationship we thought we would have their whole lives. Take care.
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1 ReactionI'll check out the book. I agree that the feeling is dull and like being dead. Good to focus on other activities.
I've been in therapy much of the last 10 years to try to deal with the "loss" of my granddaughter after her mother died when she was 3. Her feelings toward me haven't changed much, but she's now 16, and I'm still grieving. It's hard not to picture the relationship as I'd like it to be rather than what it is. I've become involved with a local spiritual center (Science of Mind). The people there have been helpful when other things have not been. Of course, all this came to an abrupt halt when Covid hit. I'm hoping to become involved again once things open up. I need to get my joy elsewhere, but it's a great challenge every day. I intend to read the book you recommended. Thank you.
Yes, this is what is happening to me, I have three grown up children. There is love and much caring ( I have RA, Sjogren’s and TN and they are there for me regarding my physical illness but when we are together in person all three burst yelling at me for the simplest things like asking for a plastic bag
They are all middle age and I suspect it is part of middle age crisis and I am always receptive offering help and support but they are not willing to open up to me. They have friends and I understand but still I feel diminished and out down specially when they yell in front if my grandkids
I calmly respond or I don’t say anything but afterwards I have asked them to not yell at me but it keeps happening
I am divorced and they gave a strange relationship with their father,
Please help! How can I stop them from yelling at me besides asking them not to?
I have offer them my love and support all the time
I have not responded easier because mysituation with two of my children remains silent with one and worse with another. I have been trying to move on with my life, but it is not east. So?e days better than others. The yelling sounds difficult. I've only started a book called "Beyond the Crying", which offers some insight into.adukt children's actions.
Be good to yourself.
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1 ReactionI hope the spiritual group has continued with the easing up of COVID. That is an important help for moving on with your life. I do better when I find relief from the situation with two of my children and concentrate on other aspects of my life.
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1 ReactionI try to take comfort that my only child is a very successful person - career-wise, financially and family-wise - even though he has no time for or interest in me. He was in college when my fibromyalgia symptoms began to worsen, so he's never really seen me suffer. He believes that I'm a healthy, active person like the rest of the world. Because he is a 7-hour drive away, I let him believe what he wants. The sad part is that I think he feels like I'm neglecting him - as I've had to cancel more trips to visit him than I've ever made. His only limitation is his time, and my limitation is my health. I don't have the stamina to drive 7 hrs. nor do I wish to be on an airplane with one bathroom when IBS often results from travelling in pain.
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1 ReactionLet me first congratulate you on your sons success children often don’t realise how much their parents have put up an effort in raising them unfortunately everything done for them is taken for granted now you have to choose between yourself and your son he is fine and you are not so in my opinion you aught to prioritise yourself and stop feeling guilty of the cancellation of trips pray for his well-being and focus on your health you have done your duty by him and now get some me time God bless
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3 ReactionsI wish you every success with your book. BEYOND CRYING is a living title. It is so very accurate for that is exactly what you do with a adult child who needs help but refuses to accept it. Blessings to you, 😇