Overwhelmed

Hello @virtuous69 You have a lot on your plate right now, don’t you. Have you seen a doctor recently and talked about all of your life changes and difficulty with your husband? He/she may recommend that you talk with a therapist. Ask for recommendations.
Your husband may also need to see his doctor for a full checkup.
Remember, every journey begins with a single step. Will you try to make some appointments and then get back to me?

Here are some groups that you may find helpful:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/

Hi@becsbuddy
Yes need to get appts for both Don and My wellness physical exam. We finished our lab work for this. One main problem I face as caregiver is that I am quite ill myself with terrible IBS and 24/7 arthritic back so I lay down sometimes all day due to pain. Have asked my PC'S nurse to help me find a good helper for me that Medicare might pay for part. And I hope my PC can give me some advise/help with hubby's beginning dementia. I am suffering terrible IBS pain today. Usually Norcal helps the bowel pain the best I hate to use it though causes consipation and the merry go round again.. I have a cat scan with contrast this month to see if I'm still cancer free from colon cancer . Did have 10 free counseling sessions at my church and was told it's only going to get worse with my husband. Moved out of Independent Living Community. Way too expensive and always on lockdown when a Covid cluster occurs. Trying to get help with my IBS and painfull spine. Spine doc told me about a new procedure that is minimally invasive abalation into the offending disc nerve. go home same day but only has a 50% chance of success. Will be going to the IBS connect group next and some others. Wish me luck in finding resources for me to stay calm when my husband has verbal anger attacks. He also is in pain with PAD and can't move with out pain in his leg therefore cannot walk with walker more than a few feet. He also has the most screeching COPD cough that drives me batty.I see no hope for the future. I just keep on truckin' but without any joy

Hi Victorious69,
I'm so sorry to hear of all of the problems that you have with your husband! We never expect it do we? However, you said that you are prayer people which is good! Keep it up and even ask God to "Please hurry up!" Remind God that you and your husband believe in and follow his commandments. Not many people do these days unfortunately. No matter how irritated you feel, hug your husband and tell him that you love him every day!

You also might try a really healthy diet and I don't mean just vegetables even though they are very good for you. But so is good quality red meat. As we age we need that omega 3 and protein. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. Eating good quality red meat has lessened his cancer immensely; 6 CT's with no new cancer! Also try not eating out; (You get a lot of preservatives in that food.) And, no TV dinners or prepared foods or microwaved stuff. (More preservatives.) Read labels and find out what is in things and where the foods come from. USA is the best source.

I hope things improve for you and your husband. I'll remember you both in my prayers!
PML

@virtuous69 Have you contacted your Area Agency on Aging. They should be able to help you find answers to all these questions you have. And help you to decide on what is the best living option for you and Don. I included a link to the National Institute on Aging:
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/residential-facilities-assisted-living-and-nursing-homes
It might also help you to get a referral to a geriatrician—a doctor who specializes in aging:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/specialists-in-aging-do-you-need-a-geriatrician
Do you have children or friends who can help you with your research and panning?

...sorry to chime in but as having had it for over 20 yrs, ibs-d is the black icing on the burnt cake IMO. ... your ibs is diarrhea or constipiation or mix? mine is diarrhea and also spouse had cancer of bowel so both of us up the creek without a paddle .... also since c,diff i have fecal incontinence and dont even know when it is leaking out.... i never thought it could get worse on top of glaucoma and tinnitus, p.n. etc. and I too after a busy bee career and raising two children 'took to my bed' over 2 yrs ago. I try and make sure get up and shower every day dress and make bed then lie on it... rarely go out, rarely go downstairs as so tired and we had happy 38 yr marrige and my husband and i both a bit of hearing loss and have to yell at each other then get upset as we are yelling... regarding the good food diet, there is no way - we cannot eat fruit except bananas and very little vegetables as go right through and yes on anti diarrhea meds and when they work , then cannot go and pressure in bowels... I sympathize with you... we are also seniors and after years of work and scrimping and saving could now 'enjoy life' but its not to be - am glad you have your religious beliefs to help you along - and people keep telling me it could be worse.... but its bad enough - but yes always others worse off but I dont know how much long I can cope - this is a wonderful site with help and if yo ever want to pm me feel free as I am alone a lot even with 2 daughters living close by! hugs J.

Hello, @virtuous69 are things any better for you? I’ve not heard from you in a few days and i was getting worried. Have you been able to make any phone calls for help?

@virtuous69, just checking in. How are you doing?

I don't consider myself a typical person who would have the ailments I have at this point in life, nor in their surfacing as if tomorrow might not arrive. I am overwhelmed, among other things, that I could go from enjoying good health (or the feeling thereof) until 48, with minimal issues none which saddled me then with the thought of death. At 51, I have been diagnosed with Diabetes (Type II), Chronic Kidney Disease (Stage 3-3B) with several bouts of acutely Renal Failure recently, hypertension (controlled finally with a cocktail of 5 separate maintenance meds), Hyperlipidemia, neuropathy, clotting in the mid-sized vessels of the legs (but not considered DVT, (sapphaneous system), upper thoracic Aortic Aneurysm plus a new Aneurysm found in the thoracic region but opposite the ascending side and smaller but close to the 4.5cm of the ascending one. A stroke I suffered in June of this year revealed an interatrial Shunt and I have a family history of Aneurysm on my mother's side, y mother dying two years ago from a dissection of her descending Aneurysm which ripped apart clear up into the Carotid. Her oldest sister passed from an an Aneurysm in her brain. During the same time, I was furloughed from work and entered into a bitter divorce which resulted in the kids sticking with their dad, this choice of their own making. I wouldn't wish this stress or worry on anyone. I have one son left in high school, two in college, another older one who is already out and I am worried about Bub. If I can see him graduate, my main worry. I need help dealing with everything because it is not as clear cut as I write about it here. It is ugly, messy, stressful, and difficult to wear the face my youngest ones need to see to not carry my depression on their shoulders. But it weighs heavy on mine and I don't know everything. I make mistakes I catch when it's too late and I don't always have the best answers and my Mom and Dad are both passed on and no one else to run things by for perspective. I am overwhelmed and so very depressed and I feel it worsening day by day. Does anyone know what I can do? Any advice? Do I just suck it up and keep going? I'm afraid to mention this to my PCP, but I think I'm going to at next appointment because I have to have help to stay sane. I'm trying hard not to lose it or break down and I stay overwhelmed regardless of what I try. Please help me

From my experience: Yes. Please begin by mentioning, discussing it with your PCP. Request name/s of therapists. Consider an art class as an outlet (that you deserve) for expression, or an art therapist if neither of these is available.

If your PCP doesn't have name/s of therapists (I love my PCP, but he/his office had no names of therapists when I asked - & they're at a major medical center), go online and see who is in your area. I did this earlier this year, living in a new, smaller town, and have been fortunate to find someone I could meet with in person nearby. Of course, insurance varies, and therapists are dealing with overwhelming numbers of potential patients, but it is absolutely necessary that you express your experience with a neutral, nonjudgmental professional.

Just saw what Matthew Perry (of "Friends" fame, whose just released a book on his life of struggle) said, that I really appreciated (& that he said with a knowing smile): "Life Is An Acquired Taste". I take that as: it is messy, fragile, without guarantees, and begs for a community of like-minded souls you can admit that with - on a regular basis. Not as a constant reminder of the struggle, but as a way to know it is a shared experience, it IS normal, and any pressure to act otherwise is just an acknowledgment that we are all trying, against all the odds, to endure, to love and to find our own version of happiness.

I need to get back to journaling - it seems a tug - as I felt obligated to keep a diary when I was younger, and it became a chore instead of an outlet - but when I began it for a few weeks earlier this year, I did feel less burdened, with a weight lifted, if only temporarily.

Just a few thoughts, any of which I would wish for you could be comforting, and maybe shed some light on ways outlets for your soul to breath more freely.

Wishing you warmth on this journey.

Wow, you are dealing with so much. It's a lot to take in. All I can think of is that you need somewhere quiet and supportive to just sit and breathe. Perhaps an empty church? I feel so bad for you. I wish I had better advice or could offer you a shoulder to cry on. Please take care of yourself and come back on the Mayo site to reach out to myself and others...you are not alone.