I know you are struggling and I'm so sorry for that. Fear of loss is a terrible feeling to have.

I'm wondering if you have looked at conversations in our Caregivers thread? There are many different topics within that may help connect you with members having the same feelings and concerns you have.
Caregivers -
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/
Give it a try.
Wishing you a happy day! 😊