Good questions! Thank you.

I am hesitant to take drugs that may make me emotionally dependent. I don't want to feel I have to take them to feel good and want to know that what I enjoy is because it's natural. I sometimes take them though if things are very bad.

I have no problem with medication that I need to make my body function better such as blood pressure medication and the one for my heart; I take those and I need them. I am just afraid to mess with my head.

I was once told to use them and they really hit me hard: not only psychologically but also physically. I was in pain all day, could hardly walk and had to stop every half minute for instance, I could no longer climb the stairs in one go, it was all so terrible. My legs were burning, I had the shakes all day long. But that was the physical side. There was more.
I could no longer draw, and I lost my dreams and imagination; I used to paint and draw every day and I no longer could. The dreams were gone; instead of waking and remembering sheets full of dreams (I wrote them down, I would remember the smells, the way things felt, the colours) i had - nothing-. A void. No longer the dreamscapes; i was in mourning for quite a while. The creativity was gone, the talent to visualise things. It was all gone. And it never came back. Each time I remember this, as happens when I write this, makes me very, very sad.

So any medication that messes with my head is very difficult for me. I have no problem with medication for blood pressure, my heart, that kind of thing.