Husband in denial - refuses to stop salting everything

Hello @ldrlaw,

I can so understand your frustration in wanting your husband to change his eating habits in order to be healthier, but as @gingerw suggested, "You can only do what you can, make the resources/lifestyle changes available to switch to, and offer all-out support. Your husband ultimately decides what he will do, and when you have done all you can, keeping after him may not move him to change."

I have come to learn that the only person that I can change is the person that I see in the mirror. Sometimes we can influence others by our lifestyle and example, but ultimately it is up to each individual to decide for themselves.

I'm glad that Connect is a place where you can share and get support and I am also happy to hear that you are seeing a counselor now. Is counseling helping?

Do you think acquainting him with the dialysis unit (I hear they are very depressing - helpful in this instance) might help? I have heard dialysis nurses often request transfers because working there is such a downer.

And not only visiting but talking to dialysis patients? If there is a chance that eliminating (at least, much reducing) salt could make a significant difference in whether he could avoid dialysis, they might be quite persuasive. Having to be hooked up to a dialysis machine for hours several times a week, is just awful.
Maybe he doesn't have a real-life picture of what he's doin to himself.

My father died of kidney failure, and as a foodie he really suffered from all the food restrictions (including, of course, eliminating salt). I decided to reduce my salt intake* some years ago, and although it was hard at first, I really got used to it. (Same with sugar too, but that's another story)

Experimenting with a gourmet nutritionist cookbook (perhaps the burden would fall on you) might help him wean himself from salt.

*I'm greatly helped by using potassium "salt" instead (doesn't make a noticeable difference to me). It seems to have also majorly helped my cardiac health (also magnesium supplements). Hadn't realized how important it is to keep up ones electrolytes.

If this is inappropriate, I apologize and hope it is removed.
I’m thinking of Toughlove for juvenile delinquents. They are taken into a prison and spoken to in raw language by the prisoners. I wonder if this might work for the OP‘s husband. Drag his sorry butt off to a dialysis clinic and see how that image affects him. Of course, in this day and age I doubt if he would be allowed to witness a procedure. But it would be worth a shot. Might get permission from a patient.

@cekkk I wonder if @ldrlaw thought that would help, that she would be the first to open the door for her husband. In the end, we each have to make the decisions that affect our health and life. Sometimes people are too scared to think of what could happen, or don't believe their situation is as dire as it is. Sometimes people do not want to do the work involved, or they have memories associated with the situation that freezes them into inaction. We can offer solutions, or ways to cope, but we can't do it for them. There is a lot to be said for speaking to someone "in the trenches" that's for sure!

@ldrlaw, has there been any progress in helping your husband understand his health situation?
Ginger

Your comment reminded me of what my mother use to say to me in my impressionable youth. She use to tell me if I were in a French restaurant and salted my food before tasting it or added too much salt the chef would throw their rolling pin at me. I chuckle now but it was effective as I don't add salt to anything!

Years ago there use to be a program where volunteers with various conditions would volunteer their time to speak with patients one-on-one in person who were up against the same thing, to share how they managed. I don't know the status of this program now. Does anyone recall information on it? If it is still up and running it might prove a happy medium.

I sent him the Mayo website article on dialysis and reminded him of the amount of time and limitations that dialysis requires. I think that helped a little. He has finally said that he thinks he may be depressed which is a breakthrough. The psychologist that I’m seeing suggested he might ask our doctor about the medication wellbutrin but he doesn’t seem open to that yet. Thanks for your support.

@ldrlaw That's definitely a start! Dialysis can limit some things, but if he is able to go the peritoneal dialysis route, it is much mire forgiving in terms of diet, additional activities, scheduling, etc. There are kidney disease support groups available. One that I attend virtually is sponsored by rsnhope.org. They offer zoom meetings second Tuesday and 4th Sunday. If you go to their website you will find a large amount of information covering all types of things!

I applaud your husband for saying out loud he may have depression. There is no stigma attached to it, and paving the way for him to reach out for help is going to help you both. How can I help you today?
Ginger

You already have, Ginger, et al. Vicki