Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

Posted by EllAmster @ellamster, Jun 6, 2022

Due to 'life' I never had the opportunity to make friends. I hardly ever went out, am single, and feel desperately lonely. I can take care of myself and always have but have learned my caring skills weren't particularly good. They kept me alive but I have not lived.
No holidays, trips, bar, no beach or forest, nothing. And no friends to go out with or to simply have a chat.
I still work and I think my clients would be perplexed. They know me as a sunny and mischievous teacher who pulls their legs so they learn more, and trick them into doing things wrong to help understand it all even better. Little do they know. I am very alone and lonely. Being alone is not that big of a biggie: I know how to do that. But the loneliness is hollowing me out.
I wondered about making friends. I never had friends, I feel very awkward about friendship. I miss the person I am with clients in my daily life. I really would like someone to chat with. It would be so nice to even fall in love. To feel I am being loved. I never had that. It's so strange to realise so many are loved; is it normal to be loved, to find someone who loves you? Or is it the golden shine of being lucky and blessed enough to find this?

It would do me a lot of good to find people to chat with. Video for instance would be nice to get to know people. To chat, have a virtual cup of tea, or a real one of course! And to not be too ashamed of myself to hide behind the smiles and fun but to open up and maybe one day even be accepted.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

mikaylar | @mikaylar | Jul 29, 2022

Are you a member of a church? Going there to sit and pray quietly can do wonders.

EllAmster | @ellamster | Jul 29, 2022

In reply to @mikaylar "Are you a member of a church? Going there to sit and pray quietly can do..." + (show)

Thank you Mikaylar, churches can have a particular atmosphere, for sure. I am not a member though.

adr | @adr | Jul 29, 2022

Talking about feelings is a good way to start. Even the simple act of writing them in a journal will help. It helps to release all the bottled up things that we carry in ourselves. My favorite thing to do is a gratitude journal.
I write something I am grateful for. Sometimes it's my cup of coffee, or the cool breeze on a hot day. Simple things I used to take for granted.

As someone mentioned, Churches. They have groups where you can meet people. As are libraries and senior centers. Some of these are in person, some are virtual. You can find a lot of resources on line. Virtual travel is fun and there is so much to learn about the world around us. It's where one can connect with people from All over.

All the best.

mikaylar | @mikaylar | Jul 29, 2022

You don't have to be a member. Just find one that's doors are open other than Sunday. I am so freak'n lonely. I have a daily persistent headache and dizziness that I am treating and I haven't left the house in 7 weeks and the medicine makes me so sick. Plus, my brother committed suicide and I haven't dealt with that yet 'cause of the headache. Trust me, I understand.
Mikayla

Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jul 29, 2022

In reply to @mikaylar "You don't have to be a member. Just find one that's doors are open other than..." + (show)

Hello @ellamster @mikaylar and others, I understand your feelings of loneliness and just wanted to chime in with something that helps me since I lost my wife to brain cancer.

I keep a "To Do List" on my counter/desk at all times. The vast majority of the items on this list are small and to most might seem insignificant, but when I suddenly found myself all alone after almost 15 years of caregiving, I needed something to help me fight my feelings of loneliness and decided what I needed was something to look forward to each day -- especially "tomorrow" so I started my list. It has things like write a card to X, call Y, clean third draw in my dresser, email a friend I'd lost touch with, find a new book to read sometime, etc.

I also told myself I wouldn't ever mark off an item without adding one to the bottom of the list.

Slowly I found I was challenging myself more with my "to do's" by including things that stretched me more like finding a long-lost friend via the internet, learning to make one of my grandmother's old Czech recipes, and others.

Perhaps not for everyone, but it was something I found that really fought my loneliness and I still continue.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

EllAmster | @ellamster | Jul 29, 2022

In reply to @IndianaScott "Hello @ellamster @mikaylar and others, I understand your feelings of loneliness and just wanted to chime..." + (show)

Thank you very much.
It's good that this helps you! What a clever plan.

And how sad to have lost your wife. I so understand the having to do something 'tomorrow'. It adds some energy, right?
As a child I told myself to find something to look forward to every night or else I would die because I was so depressed and bullied. It turned me into The Great Anticipator!

The Czech recipe: I am very curious.

It's not as if I am actively feeling lonely all the time; I keep busy with work, checking client work and so on, taking care of my little household (cats and I). This helps me not think about it. It's the times when it sinks in that again: no one called, for instance. Although I must say I am now completely used to it. It's not something I now still actively feel bad about, it's more the fact of it all that makes me sad. Maybe from all this realising how lonely I am will sprout a new person who thinks 'loneliness is just in my head'. I am rather awkward with others though, not used to a lot of socialising. I tend to really be myself. If someone asks me something I answer with the truth, or simply don't answer. If I ask "Hey, how are you doing?" I really do expect people to elaborate if I am on a friendly basis with them 😊😊😊

heria | @heria | Jul 30, 2022

I know what being lonely is like. I lost my husband of 61yrs of marriage, lost my daughter suddenly, lost my dear cat . I had a triple during all of these painful losses.My son is the only one left but has mental and physical issues. I long to have a loving relationship again to fill this void I carry everyday of my life..loneliness hurts your heart and soul.l wish you well in the search to complete your life.

Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jul 30, 2022

In reply to @ellamster "Thank you very much. It's good that this helps you! What a clever plan. And how..." + (show)

Good morning, @ellamster

The maternal side of my family are all Czech. My grandmother would cook many wonderful Czech dishes when I was a kid and unlike the rest of my family I loved Czech food!

I am working on perfecting my knedliky (Czech potato dumplings). Her recipe called for several 'pinches' and 'feel', so it is a fun trial and error effort.

I tried her recipe for kolache, a Czech dessert, but just can't get that dough right.

I hope the sun is shining where you are today!
Strength, Courage, & Peace

EllAmster | @ellamster | Jul 30, 2022

In reply to @IndianaScott "Good morning, @ellamster The maternal side of my family are all Czech. My grandmother would cook..." + (show)

Hi Scott.
It's so good to have different cultures in the family. At least I think so. Too bad the others didn't like the Czech food, I suppose if one is immersed in a culture that is more or less aimed at 'controlled averages' it's difficult to do other things.
Good for you to stand out 😊 More kolache for you!

EllAmster | @ellamster | Jul 30, 2022

In reply to @heria "I know what being lonely is like. I lost my husband of 61yrs of marriage, lost..." + (show)

Yes, it does hurt so much. You suffered many losses, this is sad.
People can also become lonely at some point in their lives and this must also be very painful. Did you have friends, are there some you could talk to or do you feel out of touch?