I think busy clinicians can become pretty pragmatic and somewhat desensitized to the urgency and desperation cancer patients feel. It’s not that they aren’t concerned, it’s that they see the similarities in patients going through treatment, recognize symptoms or anticipate expected outcomes. They know when a situation is dire or not. But we as patients or caregivers feel that sense of urgency and get panicky.

We do always have to be our own advocates for the best health care. It is not out of the norm for you, in this case, to be making those frequent calls to keep that ball rolling for your mom’s next step in her treatment. So call both places on Monday. You’ll feel better having taken that step.

Make notes of what you want to say if you call, or if you contact through a portal take the time to compose your message ahead of time. Often there is a 300 word limit. It’s perfectly fine to be assertive to get these tests underway.

I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a huge hug. I hope you don’t mind my saying this, but I went through a similar situation at 65 with my daughter, who was 36 at the time of my diagnosis. She also wanted to be strong for me. But as her mom, I knew she was being stoic on the outside while crumbling on the inside.
It’s ok to let your mom know that you’re sad and scared for her and for the future. Now is the time to have these mother-daughter talks. It’s ok to be honest, to be vulnerable, to cry, to be angry, to express your feelings because if you open up, your mom will be able to as well. We all get so caught up in wanting to protect each other, it holds us back from being able to cope well with reality. It becomes easier to face things head on as a team, knowing what each other feels. My daughter and I have always been close and I suspect it’s a similarly relationship with your mom.

Truly, the most important thing you can do is to try and remain positive. “The only thing stronger than fear is hope.” I had an amazing nurse whisper that in my ear one night when I was at my lowest point. It had such an impact on me and I feel it was a turning point in my recovery. It gave me strength and my daughter felt the elevation of that statement too. It was powerful. I want you to use it as your mantra for your mom and for you.
This is a really rough time for you. Are there any siblings or an auntie, cousin, etc., who you can talk with? Sometimes having a family member can be very reassuring. ☺️

Hi@vmarra, I just wanted to check with you to see how your mom is doing? I know you’re so worried about her. Have either of you gotten any news from her doctors regarding treatment?