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fdixon63 (@fdixon63)

Hyperkeratotic "growth" at Mohs surgical site

Skin Health | Last Active: Jul 15, 2022 | Replies (7)

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Your advice is great – wish I was part of the discussions here a year ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost the love of my life to that evil disease – melanoma. I’m still reeling with anger, guilt and sadness.

We have to be our own advocates and for the ones we love.

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Replies to "Your advice is great - wish I was part of the discussions here a year ago...."

@mlenney167 Thank you, Annie, and I'm sorry for your loss, and that was fairy recent too. My husband should not have been covering his bump on his hand with a bandaid for a year. Out of sight; out of mind. I think sometimes boys grow up not knowing how to take responsibility for their health because their moms did everything for them. They may not admit that, but that puts an extra responsibility on their wives. When you care for someone, it's so easy to take on that responsibility and the guilt, but that doesn't really belong to you. I had to say this to my husband that he should have made the initiative to find a dermatologist and take responsibility for his health, and he apologized for that and for trying to put the blame on me because he wasn't thinking about it. It wasn't until I saw how large the bump was, that I got online and started looking up dermatologists.

It's OK to be angry at the disease. Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you are interested, there is a Loss & Grief group on Connect that is private, so you can share and receive support in a closed group.

Is there anything that you are doing to help heal from the loss? What helped me a lot when I was lost my elderly father was to create a video documentary telling the story of his life. I used my parents old photos, vacation pictures, and I had sat my parents down and recorded video a few years earlier of them talking about their lives. I added in video of my mom talking about things I had pictures for to fill in the blanks. This helped me process the pain, and I just let myself feel it and grieve. I even learned things about my dad that I hadn't known before. I know everyone grieves differently in their own time. This documentary actually was the main part of his memorial service.

Is there anything you would like to talk about? How can I help?