My husband, 89, has dementia. For all of our married life he used silence and refusing to eat in order to 'control' me. I found it easier do basically do as he wished and then he was loving. But I gave up part of myself.
The dementia has triggered more anger and verbal abuse. We moved in with my daughter as I could no longer care for him by myself. Her advice was to walk away when he got abusive. And she would go with me. Sometimes it was really hard, like when he fell. After making sure he hadn't suffered any injuries in the fall we tried to help him get up. He wouldn't listen to us - wanted us to pull him up! He weighs about 200 lbs - I'm 5'3" - Robin just had foot surgery on both feet and wasn't even supposed to be standing. When we told him we couldn't do that he turned completely beyond even X-rated language. Gave him a pillow and blanket and went outside with a cup of coffee. Later he listened to our suggestions. Twice since then we did have to call 911 - other than a cut on the head once (no stitches) he was okay. By the next day he was all sweetness and light. But, unfortunately, in his state that only tends to last until he demands something and I don't jump, or jump fast enough. Old habits are hard to break.
Suggest someone you can go to, if only for coffee or a walk when he gets abusive. Prayers are with you.

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