1. < Just Want to Talk

Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

Posted by EllAmster @ellamster, Jun 6, 2022

Due to 'life' I never had the opportunity to make friends. I hardly ever went out, am single, and feel desperately lonely. I can take care of myself and always have but have learned my caring skills weren't particularly good. They kept me alive but I have not lived.
No holidays, trips, bar, no beach or forest, nothing. And no friends to go out with or to simply have a chat.
I still work and I think my clients would be perplexed. They know me as a sunny and mischievous teacher who pulls their legs so they learn more, and trick them into doing things wrong to help understand it all even better. Little do they know. I am very alone and lonely. Being alone is not that big of a biggie: I know how to do that. But the loneliness is hollowing me out.
I wondered about making friends. I never had friends, I feel very awkward about friendship. I miss the person I am with clients in my daily life. I really would like someone to chat with. It would be so nice to even fall in love. To feel I am being loved. I never had that. It's so strange to realise so many are loved; is it normal to be loved, to find someone who loves you? Or is it the golden shine of being lucky and blessed enough to find this?

It would do me a lot of good to find people to chat with. Video for instance would be nice to get to know people. To chat, have a virtual cup of tea, or a real one of course! And to not be too ashamed of myself to hide behind the smiles and fun but to open up and maybe one day even be accepted.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

EllAmster | @ellamster | Jun 12, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Thank you for taking the time to reply. To clarify, I have not lost contact with..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Thank you for taking the time to reply. To clarify, I have not lost contact with my son, but the relationship it not a warm one. I do have another son and we have a warm, loving relationship. As to groups, I really don't know why I go there alone, feel alone, and leave alone. I do not expect them to make me "feel good." I just want some friendliness. I sometimes feel I have a mark on my forehead that everyone can see except me which says Do Not Have Anything To Do With This Person. I did start searching on line and I found an article about Psychopathic Loneliness. All the symptoms seemed to fit me. I also have had some friends, but almost all of them are dead now. Unhappily that's what happens when you live a long time. I must just have to get used to being alone.

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I have never heard of psychopathic loneliness.
Being alone though doesn't bother me too much, I am okay with that. It's just the loneliness that is so painful, this longing for a deeper connection with someone. I never had that and missed it all my life.

REPLY
davej | @davej | Jun 12, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Thank you for taking the time to reply. To clarify, I have not lost contact with..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Thank you for taking the time to reply. To clarify, I have not lost contact with my son, but the relationship it not a warm one. I do have another son and we have a warm, loving relationship. As to groups, I really don't know why I go there alone, feel alone, and leave alone. I do not expect them to make me "feel good." I just want some friendliness. I sometimes feel I have a mark on my forehead that everyone can see except me which says Do Not Have Anything To Do With This Person. I did start searching on line and I found an article about Psychopathic Loneliness. All the symptoms seemed to fit me. I also have had some friends, but almost all of them are dead now. Unhappily that's what happens when you live a long time. I must just have to get used to being alone.

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If you go to a group for a meeting, there are I say two types of people, 1 type will make freinds with everybody the first meeting and the second type is it will take a while to fit in. Yes, jealous i have freinds that can walk in a become best freinds with everybody where I struggle and I dont do anything different than what they do. Only thing I can come up with is they have an ability to go to people first that are willing to become freinds where I seem to meet more people that aren't as friendly. Find something you like to do and you automatically have something in common with others. Good luck and have a blessed day dave

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raebaby | @raebaby | Jun 12, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I have just "found" this group and have finished reading all the posts. At this time..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I have just "found" this group and have finished reading all the posts. At this time of my life, I am 87 years old, I am alone and lonely. I lost my husband of 59 years and then I had to have a complete hip replacement. As if all this wasn't enough, I have become estranged from my youngest son. I am going through all of this alone. I have always had a tough time making friends. I do try to reach out but nothing ever comes of it. Even when I go to groups, I am not made to feel especially welcome. As you can imagine, this makes me feel that there is something wrong with me, but I don't know what it is. I now find that it is easier just to be alone than feel the hurt when you are rejected. Physically, except for recovering from the hip, I seem to be okay. I only have to take medication for high blood pressure. Since my husband's death, I have lost weight, which in my case is good. No one knows how much longer you will live, but at 87 it cannot be much longer. I did have one episode where I thought about ending it all, but I called the suicide hotline and now I know for sure it will not happen again. However the loneliness and the aloneness will always be with me.

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I'm 80 and recently lost my husband. We would have been married 60 years yesterday. I took care of him with Parkinson's, he died and then I developed breast cancer. Chemo caused peripheral neuropathy and now I can't drive. I have a great family, though. I live alone on 22 acres in California in wine country.
I feel happy now. I'd be glad to communicate with you.

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2 replies
raebaby | @raebaby | Jun 12, 2022

I once sat with a group of my daughter's friends who were in their 30's. We discussed if one felt shy. They all thought they were shy.
I'm not shy. I think it is the way we were born. The most important thing is to just smile sincerely a lot and that makes people drawn to you.
Also, my husband was a great guy, but quirky. My grandson has Asperger's, he's on the autism spectrum. I'm sure now that's what my husband had too. Despite feeling shy, he had a lot of great friends.

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Jun 12, 2022
In reply to @raebaby "I'm 80 and recently lost my husband. We would have been married 60 years yesterday. I..." + (show)
@raebaby

I'm 80 and recently lost my husband. We would have been married 60 years yesterday. I took care of him with Parkinson's, he died and then I developed breast cancer. Chemo caused peripheral neuropathy and now I can't drive. I have a great family, though. I live alone on 22 acres in California in wine country.
I feel happy now. I'd be glad to communicate with you.

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Hello. So nice to hear from you. I am 87 years old and lost my husband less than a year ago. He also had Parkinson's but that was not the cause of his death. We would have celebrated our 60th anniversary next July. I had to have a complete hip replacement shortly after his death. Had to go through this alone and the so-called skilled nursing facility they placed me in was worse than Hell. I am still amazed that I survived it. I also live alone and also in California but not in the beautiful wine country. We visited that area many times. I am far from happy but I would also be glad to communicate with you because, frankly, I get a little tired of talking to myself. I will give you my email address.
Look forward to hearing from you.

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1 reply
Mentor
John, Volunteer Mentor | @johnbishop | Jun 12, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Hello. So nice to hear from you. I am 87 years old and lost my husband..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Hello. So nice to hear from you. I am 87 years old and lost my husband less than a year ago. He also had Parkinson's but that was not the cause of his death. We would have celebrated our 60th anniversary next July. I had to have a complete hip replacement shortly after his death. Had to go through this alone and the so-called skilled nursing facility they placed me in was worse than Hell. I am still amazed that I survived it. I also live alone and also in California but not in the beautiful wine country. We visited that area many times. I am far from happy but I would also be glad to communicate with you because, frankly, I get a little tired of talking to myself. I will give you my email address.
Look forward to hearing from you.

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Hi @thisismarilynb, We removed your personal email address from your message above. We recommend not posting personal contact information in the public forum. You can use the secure private message function to exchange contact information with another member.

To send a private message and exchange contact information with @raebaby, just click on @raebaby (or any @membername you want to communicate with). This will take you to their profile description. At the bottom of the profile description, click the Send private message link and type your message.

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1 reply
volpinab | @volpinab | Jun 13, 2022

Wow can I relate. Amazing how we have different personas that get us through. It might be fun to get to know each other. I am a retired health professionall.
Best,
Susan

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1 reply
alive | @alive | Jun 13, 2022

I can relate to what others have said about loneliness. As an introvert, I have to work extra hard to make and maintain friendships. After spending 1.5 years of working from home due to Covid, I am now on campus twice a week. I work with people who are much younger than I am, and only my grand boss is older than I am. I make it a priority to have at least one meaningful conversation with one of my younger colleagues when I am on campus. It’s amazing how each of these conversations boosts my spirits.

Since we moved to Arizona during Covid, our quest to find a good church and connect with others on a spiritual level has been very challenging. The churches around where we live make us feel very disconnected because of the style of the service and the values of the congregants. Yesterday we ventured out into a different part of the city - 45 minute drive from home. I finally felt like this was a place where I could relate to the people there and make connections. It’s a different denomination from what I have known all my life, but I felt at home there. I am looking forward to making friends and becoming part of that community.

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imallears | @imallears | Jun 13, 2022
In reply to @johnbishop "Hi @thisismarilynb, We removed your personal email address from your message above. We recommend not posting..." + (show)
@johnbishop

Hi @thisismarilynb, We removed your personal email address from your message above. We recommend not posting personal contact information in the public forum. You can use the secure private message function to exchange contact information with another member.

To send a private message and exchange contact information with @raebaby, just click on @raebaby (or any @membername you want to communicate with). This will take you to their profile description. At the bottom of the profile description, click the Send private message link and type your message.

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@johnbishop

Hi, I noticed the post with the private email and was almost going to respond with instructions but I knew one of our ever vigilant volunteers would get to it. It’s a good reminder to all posters new to this forum to read all the instructions on how to navigate Mayo and also the dos and donts.
Thanks to all the volunteers….👍🏻

FL Mary

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mikaylar | @mikaylar | Jun 14, 2022

Going to church could be a welcoming, safe, comfortable place to start.

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