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Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 13 5:01pm | Replies (212)Comment receiving replies
I really identify with you. I have been a caretaker all of my life. I was taught that to care for oneself is selfish. Vesting myself so completely in others’ needs eclipsed my own. I never thought about who I am, what I want, where I would like to go, etc. i also never processed my own emotions. If left resolved, those old wounds never heal. I have, literally, run out of people to take care of. I live in complete isolation. I am both alone and lonely. Just stand around wondering how I ended up here. No friends, no partner, and very few acquaintances. I, too, just exist. When I go out, it is like putting on a mask. I have worn many different masks over the decades. I wore them so well no one ever noticed. When you find yourself alone in the world, it does feel like you merely exist. It took courage to write the initial post. It took courage and compassion for those who responded. In my opinion, the take away is the knowledge that there are so many of us lonelies out there. It actually creates a common bond in the void. Thank you for honestly and bravely sharing your feelings.
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Thank you Jan62.
it is difficult yes, and what you wrote could have been written by me.
I am sitting here wondering 'now what?' and don't know where to begin. To make matters more complicated I am in the process of losing the best cat friend I ever had.
'Us lonelies', yes.
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Welcome, @jan62. I am glad you dropped right into a meaningful discussion. And you have been able to clarify your own experiences with loneliness. I notice that you separated alone and lonely. I also agree with you. They are very different feelings. I enjoy being alone in nature, listening to the birds sing and waiting for the chipmunks to appear in the morning from every corner of the yard. Sometimes being alone gives you a good chance to meditate a bit and have a heartfelt chat with yourself.
And then there are friends. I am a newcomer to this area and have somehow been able to find a couple of groups that fill my loneliness needs. I play Mahjongg every Wednesday usually with a different group of four every week. That time goes quickly. I also have long conversations with old friends every few months or so. My longest friend and I have been together since first grade and that is about 75 years. We still have lots to reminisce about, and memories to revisit. Our chats can last three hours.
My newest group is a sangha that includes about 10 ladies. We meditate on Zoom every Thursday evening and have been together for about 8 years. Recently we started a once-a-month "fun" evening face to face. That experience is quite different and some are more ready than others to give themselves this experience.
My mask has always been available for public appearances or as the manager or leader of a workgroup. My best work time was when I owned the business myself. It was an art gallery and I grew to know the artists quite well. They too thrive and produce when they have alone time and often find it difficult to be out and about with others.
You know, I don't think I can agree with the position that you are selfish if you take care of yourself. However, I will leave that alone this evening. Perhaps you can give me some examples.
I look forward to continuing this discussion. Where do we go next?
May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris