Good afternoon, @deek15redpeppers Your post reminds me of so many situations with my wife. I often found myself singing the Rolling Stones' lyrics: "...You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you just might find you get what you need..."

None of us ever know what we are facing. I thought things would get better after my years as a caregiver ended, only to have a stroke two months after it ended.

I am so proud of you for posting your travails! So often we keep those things bottled up and that just, for me at least, made matters and my feelings worse. I believe caregivers need to be as vocal as possible since, again in my experience, non-caregivers rarely understand what we actually are called upon to do -- day in, day out!

If it's any consolation, it wasn't until quite late in my wife's months in hospice that she and I had any serious discussions about her pending death, but we did finally have them.

I hope the sun is shining on you today!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Hi @deek15redpeppers, it sounds so overwhelming and sad, emotionally and physically draining, no wonder you are crying. It sounds like you're more on your own than you're getting support from Hospice. Does Hospice offer any kind of respite care? Are there any friends where you live who can stay with your wife when she sleeps during the day so you can take a break? My thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry you are experiencing that. My family has, too. Hospice is BS. They promote it as you having a lot of quality time with family but they really don’t do anything. They just pop in for a second now and then. I cannot figure out all the people that tell me and leave the family to do all kinds of medical care that they have no training and no experience with. They disappear and leave you feeling totally helpless. I have read that hospice is the most profitable sector of medical care. I cannot figure out the people that tell me, “Hospice is wonderful.” It is a NIGHTMARE but it is real. I am sorry that you, too, are abandoned and struggling. I don’t blame you at all for having a tale of woe. It sounds totally overwhelming and like you have little practical help or support. I fear that this happens to many more people than we know. I do not even know what to suggest. People that are super wealthy could hire helpers but what about regular, average people? I can tell you that I would have felt much happier with some person or people to actually help … more than a listening ear or an hour here or there. There has to be a better way

I’m exhausted taking care of my disabled son and there are two of us doing it. My heart goes out to you.
I agree with tim1028 that small things add up to some sort of appreciation for life- a sunset, flower, some happy news or watching children play, for example. What normally brings you joy?
I wonder if letting go of expectations would help? Or trying to see your situation as temporary? This too shall pass.
However I also know the impact of grief on one’s life. It can be all encompassing and overwhelming. I’m going to try an online grief group. Hopefully I’ll gain some coping skills.
I wish you could get more help from hospice…or anyone in your community. Even a short break from the stress could really help.