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~ Illness in friends .... ~
Hi all .... Sometimes I guess we are reminded of our ages, even though we don't feel it. I have two friends who have become ill within the passed several months. My closest friend, in MD (I'm now in VA) first had bladder cancer, had major surgery, and now must wear a bag. She also took chemo. for a period of time. Well, about 8 months later we began to notice she was getting out of breath much quicker than normal .... turns out she has pulmonary lung disease and must use oxygen almost 24/7. In reading the Mayo site apparently it "can" be brought on by chemo. So now she's left her home, is living in a tiny apartment until her daughter and her husband can fix up part of their house for her. Another friend, who I know from here (supposed senior apartment) has had pain in the lower left quadrant of her abdomen. Turns out she has "stones" ... I imaging gallstones, and her intestines are very thin. I'm not sure what all that means by shes on pain meds. and two of the doctors are going to discuss it and decide what to do. Wow .... that really hits one in the head like a load of bricks, and I again realize ... yep .... I'm getting older too, even though I don't feel like it.
Barb (abby)
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Hi Barbara,
I know how difficult it is to be close to someone going through a scare like your friends. My brother has type 1 diabetes and isn’t taking care of himself and I worry about him. Like you, I pray for him. Of course you’re concerned about someone you love. You obviously have great compassion for your friends. Try not to allow it to consume you. Great advice to let go and let God! When I feel anger or frustration about my brother’s situation, I close my eyes, take 10 deep breaths and ask for Gods help to remove my fear. All I can do is love my brother and pray for him.
I have depression. I practice distraction techniques that help my mind to focus on positivity. That doesn’t mean I’m not there and supportive for others in my life, I just know I can provide better support when I’m not too emotionally caught up in situations myself. Letting go is one way to do that. Do you have a therapist or use any distraction techniques like meditation, exercise or hobbies?
You’re obviously a good friend, that’s valuable! Remember that!
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2 ReactionsHi friends .... I appreciate those of you who responded. I heard from my friend today and her husband has stage 4 cancer in his pancreas, liver, and lung. He also right now cannot stand up as his blood pressure is so low. I believe they are just going to go home, and try to enjoy the time they have together. God knows what lies ahead for him, and we're praying he won't suffer, and the Lord will take him Home before it reaches that point.
Thanks to all who have answered.
Barb/abby
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2 ReactionsI started this before, and must have pressed the wrong button as it went poof! so I'll try again.
I have a very close friend whom I have known since Business School many years ago, and her husband has been diagnosed with pancreatic, liver, and lung cancer - stage 4. Obviously, he will not have long to live, so they have decided to go home and appreciate the time they have left. For those of you familiar with this, I don't understand how he could be that ill and not have pain. He is also diabetic and has been on dialysis for about 2 years, the last year at home with a set-up they gave them. Can any of you enlighten me as to pain with these types of cancer, particularly stage 4. Thanks.
Barb/abby
If he hasn’t gone into hospice, it seems like an appropriate time for it, if the doctor believes he has less than 6 months to live. Hospice at home is not intrusive and can be a great help for the person served as well as the caregiver. It also makes it less likely that he’ll suffer, since hospice is designed to make the patient as comfortable as possible at all times. Best wishes.
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5 Reactions@craftscraftsmanctfl Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It sounds like you have had experience with home hospice? We had hospice for my dad in a skilled nursing facility. And I was reminded recently that hospice is also there for the family of the patient. Did you find that to be true in your situation, too?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsSimply wonderful advice 🙏🏻
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1 ReactionHi @amberpep
It's clear that you care deeply about your friends. It makes one's heart ache, especially when one wonders what one can do. And serious illness and aging reminds us of own mortality, something society prefers to ignore.
You mentioned that you couldn't find where you had previously started this discussion about illness in friends and I see you started a similar discussion in several places over the past few days. I've got a tip for you and everyone else to help locate discussions you've started or where you've previously participated.
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5 ReactionsRe: "aging is a privilege" that's true; I used to listen to a program on the radio (and some of you may know who I'm talking about) who called us "seasoned citizens." I like that, but it doesn't seem like younger folks look at us that way. Instead of seeing us as having more wisdom from life, having lived through some tough years, etc., they see us as "just old." One of my kids jokes, "oh Mom, you grew up in horse and buggy days." He may think that's funny, but I don't.
Barb
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2 ReactionsI have a dear friend in another state whom I met in Business School (that was in 1964) whose husband has been diabetic for years ... sores on his feet, special shoes, shots, etc. Then his kidneys failed and he's been on dialysis, first at the hospital, now at home. Then he began to have pain in his side ... he went to a University hospital near them and he has cancer in his pancreas, liver, and one lung. They made the decision not to try any radiation or chemo., obviously because it most likely wouldn't help. So, his wife (my dear friend) took him home, they have Hospice coming in, and essentially he is there waiting to die. I don't know if I could watch this if I were her. Seeing someone you love go steadily downhill must be awful. I watched my Mom and Dad - my Mom was an alcoholic and had liver failure and my Dad had Alzheimers - but they weren't home. I want so badly to drive up to just be with her for a few days to give her some emotional support, but it's almost 4-5 hours away and I don't have the money for gas. I fully believe God has our days numbered and our life is in His Hands, but in times like this, I think about people like Dr. Kevorkion (for those of you that remember). Thanks for listening.
Barb
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1 ReactionHello @amberpep. Watching a friend and spouse go through this part of life is heartbreaking. You are such a good friend simply for wanting to provide your love and support regardless if you are able to be in person or with them over the phone, etc.
You will notice that I have moved your post into your previous discussion on the topic of illness in friends to keep this as a place to share stories with others and encourage others to share as well. Thanks for making this space by way of this discussion.
Have you considered offering a daily telephone "coffee" or "tea" time with your friend and his spouse to provide daily support and something for the three of you to look forward to?
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