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Good morning, @deek15redpeppers I got a nice chuckle out of your comment in your post about the crystal ball. Our daughter actually brought me an old Magic Eight Ball she found at a garage sale! I kept it out for years and it gave me the same quality of insight into our future as anything else in caregiving 🙂 It's still on my desk, too.
One of the biggest challenges for me was when I'd know the truth about something, but my wife would insist it was something different. More often than not I'd find myself just agreeing with her, telling her I'd take care of it, and find that she tended to forget about it. It was less distressing to her than when I'd disagree with her. Not a medical opinion, but I figured this was because she'd already had to give up so much of the controls in her life.
I can't count the number of times I got told I wasn't providing the care, concern, love, etc. she needed. At least this changed over time, but when it would happen it was really hard to keep telling myself "it's not her, it's the darn disease talking".
If I may ask, is your wife in hospice care at home or at a facility?
Strength, Courage, & Peace
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Scott, Thanks for your comments too. Yes, I have found that just agreeing with Jenny seems to help most of the time, but sometimes that isn't enough when she wants to get dressed and have the car keys! When she says she's getting out of here and sits on the side of the bed, trying to stand up, I just stand there and watch until she tires out and agrees to let me help her get her legs up. Yesterday she was trying to pound on the tab that releases the arm of the wheelchair and she was really angry that I wouldn't help her.
You are correct that it's the disease that's talking, not the person I love and have shared so many years with. I have to remember how she hates not having control over much of anything.
She is in our "snowbird home", often not knowing where we are and wanting to go "home", but she doesn't exactly know which home she is talking about. We moved on Nov. 30, hardly got settled in, then spent most of January and 2 weeks of Feb. in the hospital. Then she came directly from the hospital to the airport to fly down here, not having seen the new home again.
Our closest friends have gone back north and we're experiencing our first Arizona summer. Many less close friends are helping out though, so we're surviving. This too shall pass.....