Connect
← Return to Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?
Discussion
Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: May 1, 2023 | Replies (123)Comment receiving replies
I have two sons. He is the eldest. Unfortunately he does not live anywhere near me at all. He is a teacher (like his father) and has a wonderful job which he loves in Nanjing, China. We try to skype at least once a week. There is a huge time difference between us. He also will phone and/or email. As far as the younger son is concerned, we are estranged. His daughter (my granddaughter) is getting married next week but I was explicitly told I was not welcome. I am quite sure this is contributing to my feelings. I did try therapy but had to stop. It was a 23 mile drive on Interstate 10 each way. Talk about stressful! It wasn't worth it. As I look out my window, it is sunny and quiet. If I can get my engine running, I would like to go to the library today. My hip is still bothering me and at my session yesterday my therapist told me she is going to request six more weeks. Without my husband by my side, it is so hard to cope with this all alone.
Replies to "I have two sons. He is the eldest. Unfortunately he does not live anywhere near me..."
I totally understand, I met my husband when I was 16 started dating at 17 and then married almost 50 years but lost him to cancer 4 months before our anniversary. This was when Covid pandemic has just started, we could only have 10 people at the funeral so I still feel I had no real closure. Then I was diagnosed with autoimmune PBC and liver biopsy showed cirrhosis. I have so many down days and have a good cry, I get outside now to walk since snow is gone and I will forever miss him. Hugs and prayers to keep you safe❤️
God has our plan!
Marilyn, not being able to celebrate your granddaughter's special day helps to understand why you were feeling so especially low and lonely. While being estranged from one of your sons may not be new, it may have been new to deal with that loss without your husband. Families are complicated.
@leerizz shared a website that lists other online grief support groups that may offer further support when and how you need it. Each online support, including Mayo Clinic Connect, have different formats.
Good that you are getting a referral for additional PT for your hip. I hope it helps with ease of mobility. Let me know what you pick up at the library. I'm reading Agent Sonya, a true spy story by Ben McIntyre at the moment. It's taking me a very long time to read it because I stop to look up history facts and things I didn't know about. Whatever did we do before the convenience of researching things on the internet?
I understand your loneliness. You mentioned traveling a long distance for therapy sessions. My daughter does her therapy virtually. Do you have that option? Please don't hurt yourself. Get yourself up and out of the house for a little bit each day. Not only will the fresh air help your mood, but it will give you purpose. Consider volunteering at a local school, hospital, or community group. In my case, it is very rewarding to help someone else in need. I never forget the loss of my husband, but I honor his memory by helping someone else.
Just think about this.......swallowing pills isn't gonna make you just go to sleep. Heck, if it were that easy everyone with a problem would do it. You will have pain, seizures, not able to breathe, on and on. Doesn't seeing your son, hearing the birds, seeing the sunshine seem so much enjoyable? Your husband would want you to enjoy life for the both of you.
Connect
@thisismarilynb I am so glad to see you posting this morning. Do you see/read the support you are receiving from us here?
Was the person you were seeing for therapy someone you "clicked" with? Can you do telehealth or zoom with them? Are there friends or neighbors near you to reach out to? Take a deep breath, and do go to the library today! The power of those books all lined up, waiting for you to explore them, can't be denied!
As for your granddaughter's wedding, remember the refusal to include you is about them, not about you. Heaven only knows what might have set them off. Send a lovely card, a small gift, to rejoice in that union, and let them know you are thinking about her. On that day take yourself out for a nice meal, and an adventure.
What will you do today to bring a smile to your face?
Ginger