Connect
← Return to What is the best way to be supportive of my son with cancer.
Discussion
What is the best way to be supportive of my son with cancer.
Caregivers | Last Active: Mar 1, 2012 | Replies (15)Comment receiving replies
All of theses replies are thoughtful but my advice is to not overanalyze the situation or your son's motives. I am older than your son and in fact have kids his age. I am also suffering from cancer. I respect his right to do as he sees best as long as he is respectful to those who love him. For myself I worked 3 years and rejected treatment after being diagnosed. I cannot see that it harmed either my prognosis or OS expectations. My situation is "non-bulky" to date. About 6 months ago I found some new lumps and decided to go throughrgery and 8 weeks of chemo which for me did not work. So my decision to delay treatment may have been the best one. I just found out that the treatment was ineffective. I firmly believe in a course of minimum or no treatment as long as quality of life is good. As mine diminishes I may try more options. Your son may or may not be making the best decision, but it is his decision. Respect that. And take him fishing or go to the concerts he loves. We are in fact all dying, some of us just don't know that.
Replies to "All of theses replies are thoughtful but my advice is to not overanalyze the situation or..."
This forum is the first one I have ever been on! Generally these things (cancer) are too complicated to give justice in such a limited agenda. But as to the emotional side I will say quite frankly that I handle it well. I look normal except for weight loss (about 30 pounds) so people tend to not know I am sick. But believe me, sometimes I am sick - very sick. But I do not whine. But other than having to come face to face with my mortality in decisions I make, I don't let it bother me much. Staying busy is the best way to not dwell on it so as long as I can I will stay active. I guess the only advice I can give, for what little its worth, is don't make a big emotional issue out of it. I think that ability comes from acceptance of death. None of us get out of this life alive. Is that really so bad? We have always known from the time we were aware of such things that this life will end eventually, so the situation is not new, just more apparent and immediate.So I hope for the best and live a full life. I am trying to show family, especially my children, by example how a strong person deals with adversity. I may or may not die before others I know but one thing is certain - we will all see our lives end eventually. So why grieve over something we have always known will eventually happen? All my best.
Connect
Garry - you put things in prespective and clearly know what you are talking about. After watching several family members and friends with cancer - get the treatments - suffer so much from them and then die quickly - I totally understand Zane's decision. I remember saying that that was what I would want to do if ever faced with the same circumstances. I just asked him today if he was still feeling good about his decision and he said yes. I'm so glad that my son and I have such a great relationship that we CAN talk about things open and honestly. I never was much of a game player anyway and this isn't the time to start. I just didn't want to look back later and in hind-sight - see what I could have done better. As it is now - I'm doing the very best I can and i guess that is all each of us can ever do in any situation. I want to thank you for you heartfelt advice. I will add you to my list for prayers and trust that God will bless you for your willingness to reach out and help others even though you are dealing with so much yourself. Thank you!