Replies to Reading this thread has been comforting to me in knowing others are in the same boat….

← Return to Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips

Discussion

Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips

Caregivers | Last Active: Oct 1 7:57pm | Replies (113)

Comment receiving replies

@tim1028

Reading this thread has been comforting to me in knowing others are in the same boat. And I have found some useful coping suggestions.

Part of the difficulty in caregiving for me is the changes that occur. Although it's the same in some ways, the varying demands and challenges can result in increased stress: physical, emotional and mental. It's kinda like taking a raft trip on the Colorado river through the Grand Canyon. The water can be smooth and peaceful in one stretch of the river, then change suddenly to turbulence when going thru rapids.

I've thought about the objection to the advice "Remember to take care of yourself" Perhaps a better way to address this would be to ask the person questions about how they are coping, what things they are doing to take care of themselves, rather than hand it out as a dismissive command, no matter how well-intended. Asking the person questions, gives them the opportunity to respond as they wish and personalizes the conversation by showing your genuine interest in their welfare.

Jump to this post

Replies to "Reading this thread has been comforting to me in knowing others are in the same boat...."

Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Apr 27, 2022

Good day, @tim1028 Your post, to me, is spot on! So much of 'talking' is listening and this is especially true for caregivers! So often I wished for someone to actually listen to me rather than zone out when I didn't respond with their desired answer of 'fine' when I would be asked 'how are you?'

I suspect many folks are afraid to actually listen to caregivers since they worry they won't know how to answer or be able to help, but for me often the help was just in being able to speak my concern out loud! I also believe this was why I was hardly ever asked how I was (as the caregiver) by the myriad of doctors who cared for my wife over the years.

I also loved your white water rafting allegory. The last rafting trip I took (on the Upper Gauley in West Virginia) I almost drown and had to be rescued along with another of our party. This after years of rafting and countless trips. I can't tell you how many times I felt like I was drowning as a caregiver!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

VIEW AND REPLY

deek15redpeppers | @deek15redpeppers | May 4, 2022

I love it when friends ask what I am doing to take care of myself. And I have learned not to give the pat answer "Fine" when asked how I am. I can say "not good" or "terrible" and I always find a shoulder to cry on.

We're in Arizona, facing our first summer here as my spouse is in Hospice care and wouldn't be able to make the trip back to Minnesota. She is unable to get into the pool until a lift chair is installed, hopefully this month. So I feel guilty going to swim without her, but I have gotten past that and have been asking friends to stay with her so I can swim at night. The water is heavenly!
I am also finding the courage to ask people to stay with her so I can get away for an hour or so every day.