I read an article a few months ago, I think in the Atlantic but can't swear to it, by a writer who got breast cancer when her two sons were under the age of 5. She wrote about coming upon her journal where she'd written about the terror of leaving these sweet children motherless and the helplessness she felt.

Here's the point, she came upon the journal while searching in the attic for her one son's baby book so she could share it with his wife as she was pregnant with their first child.

She wrote about the realization that she'd lived with cancer, and some recurrences, for over 20 years, during which time she and her husband raised two wonderful young men. The family albums showed all the usual photos of kids playing, dogs chasing balls into a lake and all the usual milestones of life. She feared, when she was first diagnosed, leaving two sad little boys whose later lives would always be shadowed by that sadness but the photos showed happy active kids. Cancer became 'just another part' of her life, but not her life. Or her death either, at least so far.

A lot of the article's readers commented that they'd had the same experience. It wasn't easy, and cancer is a rogue bad guy, and the treatments uncomfortable, and yet can become just an inconvenient part of life.

I read the article before receiving a surprise Bad News Biopsy and lumpectomy last fall and the mere idea of living with cancer(s) for over 20 years shocked me. But I see here that people can in fact do just that thanks to the evolving science. We'd rather science finds the key to prevention but saving lives is a big accomplishment. And what science learns from us can save the lives of young girls who might someday face even better odds.

I have gone back and forth debating this post, reading it, deleting it because there could be so much more suffering. But I really do get it. I had to bail on the meds at 4.8 years instead of 5, so I have been off them for 8 weeks. I thought it was mostly because of the increase in pain and inability to get anything done. I didn’t realize the cognitive function until this week since I had been barely moving anyway. One of my hobbies is quilting, so when I found some energy to start working on a block that I wanted to enlarge, (It already took me 3 days just to get out the fabric and make sense of the palette), I knew something was waaaay off. I stared at those numbers…I would normally do the calculations for the ratios and proportions with my eyes closed. I messaged my son that LOL I needed math help! This has all hit me hard in the last 8 months which is so confusing and harder to deal with than the pain from the meds. Maybe I was able to compensate better prior to now. But I’m 5 years older too. And in those 5 years, we have had 2 weddings, a grandchild and another on the way. I got my life wish and more, which was always to live long enough to raise my boys. Here’s to having more next steps and living each part of each day that I am being gifted.