Connect
← Return to Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips
Discussion
Longtime caregiver looking for support and coping tips
Caregivers | Last Active: Oct 1 7:57pm | Replies (113)Comment receiving replies
Not Scott, but someone who has had both caregiver stress and stress from my own illness. Oh, I tried the pretending route, and you are so right that it is EXHAUSTING - as much as the work of being the caregiver. I found one friend in whom I could confide. Not who I expected, but a rather new friend who had been through some issues herself. She provided that sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear (and shoulder) I needed in the moment. It allowed me to feel enough relief that I then was comfortable being among others. Her best advice to me was "Don't pretend you are fine, your friends know that you are not. Simply say things are very tough right now, I am really struggling. I NEED this break to feel that there is still something good in life. Can we please talk about _______ or something pleasant. If anyone wants to hear my tale of woe, give me a call later."
Wow! two friends called later to express sympathy, and one became my lifeline.
Can you think of one friend or relative who might be your listening ear?
Sue
Replies to "Not Scott, but someone who has had both caregiver stress and stress from my own illness...."
Sue, Thanks for the language you posted
"Simply say things are very tough right now, I am really struggling. I NEED this break to feel that there is still something good in life. Can we please talk about _______ or something pleasant. If anyone wants to hear my tale of woe, give me a call later."
Very helpful. I'll try to remember this.
MTH
Sue, i'm just now seeing your post and I really like the idea of saying things are really tough right now...... My problem is I can't say that without crying. Guess that states where I'm at right now.
I feel so stuck - quality of life stinks for us both. My spouse is in hospice care and we could be having quality time, but we're not. I see this going on for months yet - her mostly sleeping away the days, me using the hoyer lift to get her to the wheelchair or commode ( for stools that only come once after multiple lifts), her fussing about needing to void (she has a catheter), me pushing her to the handicap shower in our RV complex (where she can't stand to wash her bottom anyway), her trying to transfer from wheelchair to pool lift chair ( VERY difficult), me trying to stay patient with her intermittent delusions, offering and preparing food she may or may not eat, and never being able to talk about her pending death.
How's that for a tale of woe? Thanks for listening.
Connect
Dear Sue,
Thank you so much for listening and I appreciate your advice, it means a lot to me.
I do have my closest friend, who knows I’m not okay, but because I am not willing to share any details with her, each time at the end of our meeting, she always says: “you’ve got to take care of yourself, I’m always there if you need me.” But I know she has her own set of issues too, and my principal has always been “ if you have nothing positive to say, don’t say it”.
I am trying meditation, learning to let go. But it’s difficult to let it go sometimes because I felt hurt by what my husband said. I tried to convince myself that that was not the real him, it’s the cancer.
I suppose I have no choice but to let go of my negative emotions, but it’s so hard to put the smiles back on my face when he says hurtful things.
Thank you for listening, I already feel better after reading your reply. I know I’m not alone.
Cheers