How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Turning vegan would be a big missed steak!

Jesus turned up at a night club in Vegas. The bouncer said “ I don’t care who your dad is, you’re not getting in with sandals on.”

Sister Margaret died at a young age and went to… hell. She calls Saint Peter and says:

- Saint Peter, there has been a terrible mistake. I have devoted all my life to the Almighty, I have never sinned and now I’m in hell!!! Fire’s burning everywhere, it’s horrible!!!

- Oh dear, I’ll fix it as soon as possible!

But Saint Peter was very busy and forgot about it.

The next day Sister Margaret calls Saint Peter again:

- Saint Peter, I can’t take it any longer, please take me to heaven where I belong! Today there’s a great orgy planned for the evening and everyone must be present.

- Dear Lord, I completely forgot. I’ll fix it right away.

But again, Saint Peter was busy and forgot.

The next day Sister Margaret calls Saint Peter and says:

- Pete? It’s Margo. I asked you to take me to heaven. Never mind

Dave was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business.  He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

Dave wanted two things:
• to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
• to find a wife to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away      

I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men…

@loribmt
Oh Wow...that made me laugh out loud in the Drs waiting room
just now.

FL Mary

Glad I’m not the only one that laughed out loud to that one! I’m waiting for @jakedduck1 to chime in. 😂

@loribmt
Well I do have a reply but since I don't want jumped on be all the ladies here so I'll hold my tongue for once.
I too laughed out loud.
That was a great joke.
Jake

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked “So why do you have so much hair?

father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her
a story, and listened to her say her prayers, which she
ended by saying
"God bless mommy, God bless daddy,
God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa.
Father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, daddy. It just seemed
like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a
strange coincidence.
A few months later, the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless
mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"My gosh," thought the father, "this kid is in contact with
the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the
dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye
daddy.
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all
night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and
watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until
midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so
instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed
there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping
at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and
went home.
When he got home, his wife said, "I've never seen you
work so late. What's the matter?
He said, "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the
worst day of my life.
She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never
believe what happened to me. This morning the
mailman dropped dead on our porch.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

“How much for a season pass?”