How to let go of guilt?

Posted by aliali @aliali, Mar 26, 2022

Greetings,
I really need your help. I am consumed by guilt. I need a listener and who will sympathize with me. The matter is as follows. My friend told me a secret; it was a highly private secret for him. He told me not to reveal it to X; in fact, I really believe X can help us in our issue. As I am depressed, I found my friend started to lack interest in life, begin to overthink the issue, begin to oversleep - all are depression symptoms. Well, I do not claim he is depressed but I claim that he has some issue, some real issue and he needs some help. One day, I got highly depressed and worried about him and could not control my actions. and went o X and revealed the matter to him. Currently my friend would never contact me again!! I was worried that he will run into depression and end up suffering like me !! I was depressed because he was suffering which indicates care and love! But does not know I have depression or what I did was not intended. He believes I am betrayal. He said I have forgiven you and never contact me again. We study in the sam college. Can you imagine that he would register a section other than mine just to avoid meeting me?! I was planning to reveal my depression to him. So I said to him I will give you only a single paper which is not written by me (I mean my depression medical report) and after that the matter is up to you... He rejected. he said I forgave you and I do not need to look at your sheet. Currently I am consumed by guilt; and I am depressed as well. When I see him in some place, he pretends I do not exist and move away... He is highly kind and lovely; but after the misunderstanding that occurs, I see other person dealing with me. This is not my typical friend that we used to talk and laugh. This is someone I really do know not, nor do I like! He feels I betrayed him; this is why he is irritated. After some negotiation he said currently I am irritated and give me your paper after I finish the current term (after 3 month). Okay; How can I let go of my current guilt? Needless to say, depressed people would sometimes take some unreasonable actions such as suicide when they become highly depressed; for me, on that day when I reached my maximum depression and anxiety, I just revealed his secret to someone who will help us!! it is a good thing I did it but he does not realize

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Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Mar 28, 2022

@aliali There are times we do something we think might be of help, but it turns out it is not. Does this sound like what happened to you and your friend? He specifically asked you to not reveal his secret to X, and there must have been a reason for him saying that, you know, perhaps something you are not aware of. So, now your friend feels betrayal and perhaps mistrust in you. It may resolve in time, it may not. If you ever have a chance to tell him you were worried about the behavior you were seeing in him, because it reminded of you when you were depressed, do so. Sometimes we can more clearly see what is happening in another person after we have experienced it, but it can be difficult to tell your friend that.

Perhaps there is a mutual friend that you can talk to. Let them know how you feel about the situation, and they may be able to speak to your friend and get a conversation started before the three months is over?
Ginger

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 28, 2022

@aliali, as much as you are feeling hurt and missing your friend, you must honor his request for space and time to deal with his feelings. During this time, you can concentrate on your self care.

jenatsky | @jenatsky | Mar 28, 2022

You sound like you re in pretty bad shape? Have you considered looking into therapy for your depression? You actions toward the other party were due to you seeking help for yourself and someone else whom you thought could help you both? Obviously this was an incorrect conclusion on your part. I am sorry you feel guilt and the abused person has taken you off the hook. Please seek professional help for your depression as self help does not always cut it and we end up falling over ourselves.